12 January 2013
Before we video chat...
We talked for an hour on the phone.
Sometimes the line got quiet, as usual. I laughed a lot because I just tend to laugh a lot, as usual. He joked around in the sick way that he does, as usual. We asked each other questions about ourselves, as usual.
But I don't feel the way that I usually do.
Where's the butterflies? The anxiety? The nerves? The thrill?
I feel so indifferent right now. I was so nervous to video chat with him before because I feared that when he connected the pictures of me that I'd sent him and the voice that he hears over the phone, he wouldn't like me. I feared that I would be heartbroken when that happens. But now I don't give two shits. I don't even give one shit about video chatting and him not liking me. I don't care.
As I've gotten to know him better, it's become more apparent for what kind of guy he is.
His jokes can be pretty awful. Not offensive or anything, but he sounds so serious when he says them, and they're about serious things, so I can't tell that he's joking. For example, I'm bringing a friend with me when we meet him and we're both minors and he's only two years older but he's legally an adult. He knows how wary I am of that legal issue yet he "jokes" that he's going to feel like a pedophile when we meet him. Needless to say, it wasn't funny. It made me annoyed.
He doesn't seem very adventurous
He questions my logic
He doesn't laugh much at my jokes
He falls for girls quickly, making me just another one on his list...he just likes to have a relationship...meaning we won't last long...he must get bored quickly.
Maybe because we're on the phone the sparks are missing. After all, if I were with him/video chatting I would be able to see his expression and tell when he's joking. Maybe he would get my jokes. Maybe I wouldn't get so offended so easily. Maybe I would be able to see if he's adventurous or not.
Maybe I would be able to tell if I like him or if I like the idea of him.
Pre-Cam Blog 12 • Opuss № I