18 May 2012
Once upon a Giant's cloud, high up in the sky, a Goblin sat on a beanstalk leaf, eating a butterfly.
First he pulled the wings off, then sucked out the juice, then tossed away the empty skin, and set off for the Golden Goose.
He was a Goblin treasure hunter, and he'd climbed a giant stalk. His poor little legs were aching, so much he could hardly walk.
It had taken from sunset till morning, for him to climb half way, from morning then till sunset, to the top it took all day.
He had a little grappling hook, and six inches of rope. A belly full of butterfly, and a bucket full of hope.
He'd heard rumours of a treasure, a marvellous Golden Goose, to have it would bring pleasure, for gold eggs it did produce.
Atop the cloud a castle, in which a Giant slept, the Goblin bravely ventured forth, to where the goose was kept.
And there, would you believe it, for he couldn't believe his eyes, a human had beaten him to it, and was making off with his prize!
The Goblin was now furious, and hatched a cunning plan, if he could wake the Giant up, the Giant could squish the man!
And once the Giant had squished the man, and fallen back to sleep, he could then steal the goose himself, and away could silently creep.
As the human made his getaway, with the goose under his arm, the Goblin treasure hunter thought, he must raise the alarm.
Shouting out would do no good, co's he'd give himself away, then he saw a massive harp, which fortunately he could play.
He'd learnt how from a Gypsy, he met once in the woods, not a human Gypsy, but a Pixie peddling goods.
They had come to an arrangement on a jawbone from a carp, that in return the Gypsy Pixie, would teach the Goblin the harp.
But this was quite sometime ago, and he hadn't played it since, and neither had he ever seen a harp as big as this.
So with his little grappling hook, he pulled on a massive string, waking the sleeping Giant, and making the big harp sing.
The human had made some headway, when the Giant noticed at last, that his Golden Goose was missing, and set off pretty fast.
The Goblin was now feeling quite smug, the human would soon be dead, the giant would soon fall back to sleep, then he'd steal the Goose instead.
But now it was tea time, and something wasn't right, the Giant hadn't come back, he shouldn't be taking all night.
The Goblin made his way outside, which took him quite some time, when he finally stepped out in the cloud, it was a quarter past nine.
Now he stood there, well, bemused, again something wasn't right, and then it finally dawned on him, there was no beanstalk in sight.
Now this could be a big problem, the Goblin adventurer thought, he'd never make it to the ground, with the little rope he'd brought.
He didn't want to stay up there, the castle was so big, he could never reach the toilet, couldn't even lift the lid!
And he'd probably never go hungry, if he could only open the fridge. To even reach the handle, he would need some kind of bridge.
He wasn't going to starve to death, because he'd found a piece of bread, it was in fact a giant crumb, ten times bigger than his head!
And he wasn't going to die of thirst, co's he'd found the Giant's ale, he drank and bathed and swam in it, and still it wasn't stale.
So in the giants castle, the Goblin then did stay, pleased he'd met the Gypsy Pixie, and the harp he'd learnt to play.
He often sat and thought of, what happened to the Goose, he hoped the human did get squished, or eaten, by a moose!
The Goblin is still up there, has been since that day, and if you listen very carefully, sometimes you'll hear him play.
What happened to the Giant? I think you know that tale. He tried to get his Goose back, and it was an Epic fail.
The moral of this story is, if you steal a Giant's loot, don't rely on beanstalks, just pack a parachute.
The Goblin and the Golden Goose • Opuss № I