19 January 2013
How do you know when you are in the dark? I knew I was but not because the room was dark but because I felt darkness inside. It's like when you try to find that there is something that makes you feel this way, but you just cant figure it out or you already knew but denying it. Emptiness. So I just closed my eyes and let the darkness overcome me. It's always hurtful if you have to fight with your own demons because they covering the light. Things that you fear the most, feelings that hurt the most, people's faces that you wanna forget the most. All this things shows up when you are feeling the darkness. Do you know that overwhelming feeling when everything is possible? When the light is so bright that you almost can't see the possibility of a failure behind it? When you are drifting to the edge of that decision which can change your whole view on things because it gives you hope, courage, and happiness? And when you almost have it, when you think it is truly yours, that's when the dark thoughts come and push you down. If you let it, of course. It's hard to resist and sometimes I feel that I not just can't go back to the brightness but also can't hold it together and prevent myself from falling. From disappointments and sadness. So I let my eyes to pop out and stare into the dark room and make myself suffer by my own feelings and memories. And not just this I have to deal with but with the most powerful from all of them, myself. Because people can't escape from themselves. Sometimes, I really want to fall and let the darkness swallow me. So there is the question: How do I keep myself from falling? It's really simple. I just force myself to keep my eyes open eyes and try to find the brightness behind the dark.....
Darkness • Opuss № I