As you slide down the Bannister of life, be aware you're gonna pick up a few splinters in the arse along the way.
Oh Man I think I'm going insane, I tell you,. Sitting here watching David Blaine, I tell you,. Got me thinking, just who is to blame, I tell you,. I'm just falling I'm choc full of shame, I tell you,.
You lie at my side,. Yet take three quarters,. Of the fucking bed,. I love you so much,. And could never live. As I do without you,. But the rasping, grinding,.
Whenever I sit on my own for a while, I think of your face, your eyes and your smile, Though alone, I'm not lonely, Though silent, not moping, Just silently thinking about you, And hoping, That the...
I wandered lonely, as a crowd.............. "Dorothy I fuckin' swear this bastard predictive text will be the death of me!".
A delightful young Author named Ashkat, Went shopping one day for a hat, The Milliner said, "I'm in love with your head", "And the shoulders on which it is sat.".
A delightful young darling called Tizzy, Had a boyfriend whose first name was Izzy, They adopted a cat, And said "Well, that's that". And named it Whizzy Izzy Tizzy!!.
There once was Nikujagagirl , Who decided her hair needed curls, She went for a perm, And the attendant said "Erm", "We only do boys and not girls"..
This is a true gentleman's relish of a sandwich. Prepare a plateful ladies and watch his eyes light up. You will need: 5/6 rashers of bacon (smoked or unsmoked) Helmans Mayo Good thick fresh...
Good day Opussians Brave and True. I have a little task for you.
Good day fellow warriors of the Word. This is to apologise for any unanswered posts as once again I'm to be set afloat sans a bloody wifi signal. Routine maintenance I'm afraid.
A sophisticated woman called Kim, Took up writing her stuff on a whim, Although she was young, She had a keen tongue, And bollocked Yowwa for writing contemptuous allegations about the size of her...
An Opussian who called himself Yowwa, Inadvertently got wedged in a shower, He bellowed for help, And let out a yelp, When in walked a GAYLORD town crier..
A Charming young fellow called Stablish, Met up with a lady called Ipuss, They said "This is nice", And "Let's do it twice", And thus they became so established..
An Opussian Irrational_kimmi, Did sneeze one day while drinking tea, She blew away Norfolk, And Ipswich and Suffolk, Then farted and said "Pardon Me"..
A girl called MisslittleDHP Had a backside as big as can be, It had its own climate, And men tried to climb it, And gave up and went home for tea !!.
A talented Opussian called Naavii, At Math was incredibly savvy, She'd piss all her sums, While scratching her bum, Then go and get pissed in the affie!!.
Another Opussian CrownCottage, Had a yearning each day for some porridge, She'd Wolfie it down, Then get pissed on the town, And wake up each morning in Norwich..
There once was an Opussian called Lee, Who forever was desperate to pee, He showed it the doc, "My God what a cock!!" That charming young fellah called Lee..
There once lived an old girl called Kitty, Whose shits were incredibly wiffy, She'd clear out the street, From here 'till next week, Then change her old knicks' in a jiffy!. Lmfao.
There once was an app called Opuss, Whose members kicked up a rumpus, One said "I'm Top", Another said "Fuck Off", Those funny Opussians of Opuss. Ha ha. Lol.
Somewhere deep within me is a very private place, It's a room that only I know, it's were I change my face, And every face has got a mirror, hanging on the wall, Before I meet with anyone, I pay this...
With immediate affect, all new Oppussians will be welcomed to our fair isle as follows. On signup.
Oh how delightfully civilised, Having doughnuts and tea on the lawn, There's nothing quite like it, Just having a picnic, Then having a snooze and a yawn..
It was raining hard, I turned up my collar and scanned the building across the street. It was quiet, unusually so for this time of night, and in the distance I could hear a dog barking.
I am the Déjà Vu you feel on entering a room, I am the chill upon your spine on sunny afternoons, You feel me when you say "Someone just walked across my grave!" And I'm the razor blade that cuts you...
Here friend, I beg, come close, and let me see your face,. 'Tis dark this hour, this witches night, I fear a fall from grace,. You're tall dear stranger, wandering lone, why do I tremble so,.
My Terrific, galaxy shaping #Dazza competition has been won. Congratulations @Crowncottage. You correctly identified my friend Dazzas eternal true love. He loves words that have double letters in...
Greetings puzzle lovers. My heart aches to share a little teaser, to babble your brains and snuffle your senses, who among you will see the answer laid bare for all with the eyes to see it.
My sincere apologies to all of you guys for my abrupt decision to quit Opuss, as I now see that quitting Opuss is quitting you all too, and you are all generous and encouraging.
Sorry guys that was very abrupt and I'll mannered. I'm at work but will explain all later. I'm here to stay. I'm sorry. Will explain in a few hours. I love you all..
I'm off This is not the place for me. I made a mistake. Thanks all Happy days.
I just came up with a form of transport that is going to revolutionise how we get from point A to point B. This staggeringly simple concept is totally green. It is good for on and off road.
Oright then I'm getting it right off my chest right now - the ranking system used by Opuss to sift through its members' order of merit should be scrapped.
So I gets a good idea, A cracker, truth be told, An' I thinks I'll visit Opuss, And pen those words of Gold, I pulls out trusty iPhone, The magic to begin, An' lo and fuckin' behold, The Wifi's down...
Now 'ears a little story, You're gonna like a lot, It's all about me missus, She used to be a slut, I met her on the piss you see, As you fuckin' do, And she said "'Ows about it love?" "One hour or...
Now then did you know that your little old brain is so powerful, it can even make out words that have their letters jumbled up. IT'S TRUE.
I am the only person I know of, who can think himself from dead calm to raging, teeth grinding, red misting furious fucker, in just a few minutes, with absolutely no outside assistance. Fuck yes..
I cannot think, I cannot write, I cannot fathom why, I cannot even read a page, I think my brain has died.
Bleak and barren moor of ills,. How well you hide your secret still,. All those long and silent years,. You lay there mocking as the tears,. Did flow as if a dam did break,.
'Twas nearing dusk, yet still the air was filled, With life abundant flitting on its busy rounds and I, My fitting tribute to a day so fine as this, was called, To wander 'pon a long worn path, an...
And so at last I rest my head, my body tired and worn, Blessed sleep comes easily, caressing me 'till dawn, And still I linger for a while, my drowsiness complete, Until I raise to meet the morn, the...
Forty years long you searched, With heartache only a mother could know, Now in death it is complete, You run to him with tears of joy. RIP Winnie and Keith Johnson Reunited at long last..
If I wrote a piece while holding a certain ice cream lolly, would it be my Magnum Opuss?. Answers on a postcard!!.
Oh that I wouldst surely be,. An honest feline such as thee,. With grace and beauty gifted thus,. I surely would inspire Opuss,. And Poets therein would aspire,. My being thus to those inspire,.
Oh child of mine asleep thou be and most times crying lustily, I shed a tear as o'er I watch tho not for fear of mine own such, As for I know what future brings for thee it waits within the...
Yet here the gentle stillness of the night, Brings back the swelling tide of memory.
Okay this just happened to me and it left me a little speechless. I tell you all because I'm at work and there's no one else to share it with. Here goes. This guest came back from a night out.
Don't think I'm gonna come and sweet talk to you every night, Don't think I'm gonna miss you every single day, alright.
Now when I was just a nipper, It was really cool to smoke, Everybody did it even doctors (it's no joke), They'd sell em off to kiddies, In shops and everywhere, And you could smoke just when you...
We are all in the gutter. But some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde..
Rest your head Sweet Naaviie, Let the words float off, They'll be back in the morning, Close your eyes, doze off.
If I sang a song to you, Would you promise to be true?, If I jigged a little dance, Would it pave way for romance. If I made you feel remiss, Would I end up with a kiss.
Gather at the quayside all the good folk of the world, We'll wave our flags and raise our cheers as mainsails are unfurled, With Children at the front we'll wait for cast off from the side, The...
A smiling face, within a frame, A moment caught in time, So long ago, yet yesterday, Engraved upon my mind.
Daylight sighs, Resigned to Dusk, Twilight reigns, Odd, mystic, Not here, Nor there, But somewhere, Betwixt, Hobgoblins, And faeries, And others, Not so welcome, Malevolence, Return home, Safe,...
Oh man today was just the absolute best. We watched special agent oso and we did the Hot Dog Dance. It was just the best day ever..
Awesome farewell do wasn't it. The Who wrapped it up well top, though they looked a bit frazzled. Personally, I thought the Stones should've topped it out. Great show, and great Olympics.
Opuss is seeking contributions to help facilitate the ongoing development and growth of this wondrous community. I am not in a financial position to make such a contribution, just yet.
Sarnies and biscuits, Jam cake and cream, Lemonade drinkies, And all in between. Children are laughing, And playing about, And this is what Afternoon Teas are about.
I have no need for money, Or the burden that it brings, I have no need for friendships, Or crazy weekend flings, I hanker not for sunshine, Or outings on the lake, Stunning views and mountain...
Yeeeeeeehaaaaaaaa. I made top author pick!!. They went and called little me an author. Damn, my hearts going like shit. Where'd I put me tablets?.
You don't fool me hear Big Mister Death Man, Strolling around like everyone's shit scared of you pulling your tricks, I've seen you around doing your thing, I've seen the tags you leave, and heard...
Given that the past is something that we are constantly moving away from, and that the future is something we are constantly moving toward then there must, therefore, be no such thing as "the...
This screaming,. In my head,. Going on,. Too long,. Crazy people,. After me,. Don't know why,. Cannot see,. There's a guy,. 'Cross the street,. Pretty sure,. Caging me,. But I figure,. If I'm hip,.
I've been sitting here an hour and the words won't come, Looking hard for inspiration, getting nothing done, So I grab a cup of tea thinking "soon man, soon", But my mind's still a blank and I start...
You know, if you were to ask me what 2 + 2 was, I would say 4. So would you. But I used to know this accountant fellah, and he asked me the same question. I said "4".
Go Bolt Go, Magnifico, And now for, Spin-Offs, Galore. Bolt Trainers, Bolt Trackies, Bolt Hoodies, Bolt Jackets, Bolt Dolls, Bolt Shoes, Bolt Food, Bolt Pencils, Bolt Bolts.
So I'm playing on my iPad and the wifi drops a bar, My farming game is awesome but the gameplay starts to jar, I grit my teeth and pray that all my carrots are okay, And then the wifi drops out (I...
Every bleedin' budget it's the same ol' bleedin' fing, Up goes bleedin' petrol, and the same goes for me drink, It's gettin' so us workin men can't 'ave our perks in peace, An' as for bleedin'...
Spider sitting on my wall, I know you can't harm me at all, But still I'm transfixed here in terror, Because I'm just a gormless fella..
Sitting here alone I feel my mood begin to slip, My cheery disposition has decided now to flip, The joy of living happily has suddenly took flight, I know this filthy mood is gonna stay with me all...
Adult language used. It was the Big Day. I had prepared for this day for months and now it was time the criminal community met their match.
At the start of every day, I get showered and I say, "Where's me Custard?" "Where's me Custard?" Then I have a great big bowl, Through the kitchen I then stroll, "Want more Custard", "Want more...
Now available. Get 'em while they're hot hot hot. IAP 1 - (£5.00). 1 like IAP 2 - (£10.00). 1 RP. Today's Special: All the above - (£25.00). Guaranteed. Cash only. No cheques. 'Ave it :D.
Oh if you don't have a shower every morning, You'll go about your business a with hum. Your friends will mill around for half a minute, Then off into the distance they will run run run.
Since joining this superb and unique community I have noticed some changes in my life. Some are mysterious, some are a little odd. Here they are. 1.
I get up every morning,. And I'm off to work by Eight,. By One o'clock I'm finished,. And I never finish late,. I cycle home quite happy,. 'Cos I know what's coming soon,.
Feel it building deep inside,. Little niggles mounting up,. Like when the wifi's down again,. No milk in the fridge (yet again),. Another layer starts to build,. Atop the others, laid down earlier,.
Go Bolt Go, Never any Doubt, And now the real race begins, Who's first to interview him..
I had always been scolded by my mother when, as a small child, I would wander about the house on flights of fancy.
So me and the missus get dressed all dapper, And off we trots lookin' prim an' proppa, "I wanna night out" she twines to me, So it's off down the ale'ouse for mash an' peas, "Gord 'elp us Stevo" she...
Olympic Kitty with her tracksuit on, Olympic Kitty gonna run run run, Olympic Kitty just isn't messing, Come on home with a Kitty Gold Medal..
Lickle Pinky Toesies, Hanging out the bed, Lickle Pinky Toesies, Stay awake instead, Lickle Pinky Toesies, Curling in and out, Lickle Pinky Toesies, Playing all about..
Goodbye li'l Kitty, You simply were the best, Your talent outshone everyone, You rocked us with your zest.
Fellow Opussians, we have all been there, struggling and sweating bone marrow, desperate for that spark of inspiration that heralds a new Opuss Story or poem. It's not easy I know.
This may come as a surprise to you Kate but, thinking about our times together, and the fun we have shared, and the people that we have met, I have to say in all sincerity that I have fallen deeply...
Itty Bitty Kitty take a nap right now, Itty Bitty Kitty gonna rest (and how), Itty Bitty Kitty going out tonight, Itty Bitty Kitty gonna start a fight.
I wanna be an author, I wanna write a book, I Really think I oughta, Just try and take a look, The only thing that stops me, Is ME I have to say, I just need Lady Luck to shout: "Today's your lucky...
Scene: (Live) Parkland close to Olympic Venue. Presenter: At ground level surrounded by baying mob. In Ear Coms: Okay we're live to the nation in....3....2....1 and GO.
Rolling surf and salty air, Sandwiches and pop, Donkey rides without a care, Ice cream with nuts on top, Paddling 'mid frothy waves, Tickling my toes, And Uncle Albert, buried there, Laughing through...
Alone I patrol my route at night, my solitary vigil a sometimes tiring business. All other staff are fast asleep and rely on my alertness to warn of any impending problems.
Salute my friends and raise your glass, as leathery wings seek out new vistas.
Peasants. Fools. How can I possibly be expected to totally eradicate all forms of government and State, when I am given brain dead cretins like THESE. DON'T THEY YET REALISE.
I tell you this my friend; many pleasures await you in this glorious life, some of them are truly momentous and others seem matter of fact. There is one though I must admit, I simply cannot fathom.
This bitter treadmill I walk, this unending parody of a life I'm forced to endure.
If I were a broken bough, Would still you rest beside me. And if I splintered at your touch, Would then you scold and walk away. If I were but a stormy day, Would still you scamper carefree.
I've been gone a while. The rumpus that followed on from the rankings fix started weighing on my mind, and I needed some air to reassess things.
This is for the geezers.
I wakes up in the mornin', An' curse that bloody clock, The kids was up an hour ago, And runnin' fair amok, I gots two hours to sort 'em out, An' pack 'em off to school, Then off to work I 'as to...
When oh when are they going to make a smartphone thick enough to hold a decent bloody battery that doesn't decide it's had enough just because you've been online for a few hours.