1 August 2012
In south east Opuss a serious crime has occurred where over 500 people have been given a 'super wedgie' at the Opussion Annual Fete. The culprit is suspected to be a very nasty villain indeed to the name of Derek, he wears a monocle on his right eye, and works part time as a clown. we also suspect a gang of mischievous gangster pigeons were also involved in the crime, we interviewed one of them and he admitted to having given at least 3 unfortunate victims a 'super wedgie' this awful pigeon was later to be discovered as the evil mastermind named Super Goggles II, do not approach him, we believe he carries an AK47 and a shovel on his person at all times. But do not worry fellow opussians, a hero is currently flying about the scene, His name is the famous Dr Pepper The Magpie, and he is currently arresting over 550 gangster pigeons believed to be included in this horrific crime. We also believe that 50% of the delicious fete hotdogs have been poohed upon by willing pigeons, this will not be tolerated, and anybody who has bought a bad hotdog at the fete will receive a full refund, and tickets to see the amazing Derek the clown at the local opuss theatre.
In other news, the local theme park has opened named: The Amazing Opuss theme park. The Amazing Opuss Theme Park tickets are just ten pounds for children, fifteen pounds for adults, and twelve pounds for concessions, the star ride is the Bananarama roller coaster, where bananas are seemingly flying everywhere, you, are seemingly flying everywhere, and so are everybody else, as they forgot to install seat belts... Try and catch a banana if you can! If you can't you get a free banana anyway if you survive the ride, bananas supplied by all leading monkeys.
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