29 September 2012
Just had a very enlightening refs period in the nick sat with a few of our community support officers.
When I walked in to sit in quiet contemplation and eat the very healthy meal Ronald Mac had so lovingly prepared for me my ears were subjected to a noise so unbelievably crass it actually stopped me in my tracks and made my whole body cry for assistance.
This noise I'm talking about is New Metal, or Nu Metal, as my youthful colleagues reliably inform me, dyslexic swines. More specifically, the sub genre apparently known as Thrash Metal. At least they spell this one correctly.
This 'artform' is produced by obviously talented musicians who forgo the attraction of money, soap and the adulation of millions of pubescent females a la One Direction to forge a career distorting their riffs to such an extent that most of it, to my old ears, sounds like a chainsaw cutting an amplified cat in half whilst the 'singer' shouts and burps into the microphone.
With band names such as 'five finger death punch', 'axewound', 'cannibal corpse' and 'bullet for my valentine' I don't expect them to do melodic covers of kajagoogoo's greatest hits from the 80's but my god, these chaps sound angry!
I imagine, after listening to half an hour of this aural assault, that these young bucks have never known the tender love a wholesome woman can give. I very much doubt they sit at home on a week night stroking their partners hair whilst watching DIY SOS on the sofa.
It would be more likely these people indulge in the sort of behaviour the Daily Mail would condemn as 'ruining society.'
However, bizzarely, these musicians have such a virtuosic command of their instruments it is highly likely they spent the majority of their formative year diligently learning their craft in locked bedrooms. The sort of kids who are treated bad at school for being different and not being part of the 'in crowd.'
Maybe this is why their music is so aggressive. Maybe they are unleashing years of torment and pent up anger through the medium of rock.
It's much preferable for these angry boys to do it this way as opposed to picking up a gun and making society pay for their frustration.
It was only after my colleagues turned this music off that I found that they hadn't played a 30 minute track but many different songs. My tender ears mustn't be accustomed to this frequency!
Give me a bit of mick bubble any day. Now can I get some peace please!
Down With The Youth • Opuss № I