21 April 2012
One of the things you can guarantee will happen when patrolling the night time economy on foot is that a drunken comedian, usually a woman will ask to wear your helmet or have a picture taken with you.
I have stock replies such as 'no, you may have nits' and 'I have a Hugo boss modelling contract and any unauthorised photos could jeopardise the agreement' but tonight I exceeded myself and took it to a new level.
There was a group of extremely annoying TOWIE wannabes being very loud and obviously trying to look good in front of their steroid inflated suitors. We braced ourselves for the all too predictable 'if I was pregnant you'd have to let me pee in your helmet' hilarity and when the sequin clad orange hooker lookalike shrieked the aforementioned quote I looked her in the eye and calmly said, ' no, I couldn't let you pee in my helmet as my helmet doesn't want to catch chlamydia.'
The poor creatures face was a picture when her friend piped up all innocently 'how does he know you've got it'
Cruel, I know. But times don't get much better!
Too Far? • Opuss № I