Texas Girl (Pt 21) by @DrewTexas

Good and Bad stuff happen in this chapter. Sad and also sweet so, read, and enjoy ;) x

Sometimes in life, you have these moments, where you say or do something
totally stupid and reckless. You know those moments? I'm sure you guys can
think of at least one right now. Anyway, you have a moment, and then
immediately after, you have the instant feeling of regret. You know you've
done wrong. You know that was stupid, and you know it was reckless, and you
wish you hadn't of done it.
I was having one of those moments.
My own words echoed through my head, mocking me in a twisted way. Showing
me what a monster I was. "Because I don't love you!" I had screamed. She
looked back at me. Tears flowing, lip quivering, entire body trembling,
heart aching. I had literally broke this girl down bit by bit, over the
course of a minute.
Remind me why I did that?
Oh. Yeah, because I'm an ass. That's it.
Drew was the sweetest, nicest girl I had ever met in my entire life, and
all I was doing was screwing her over. In a way, I guess I had pretended to
love her. It was wrong, and monstrous and abusive, but it was the only way
I felt I could be close to her.
I think I had started off properly in love. I sort of remember it. But
honestly, those memories had faded away as well as the feeling of love. But
why did it go? I don't get it. I'm so lost, and confused. If I loved her,
then why don't I now. What pulled me away?
A significant memory scarred my mind when I asked myself that question: The
night I had told Drew I loved her, and she hadn't said it back. I felt a
sort of hatred of myself for falling so quickly. I told myself screw it,
don't love her, just use her. That was a twisted sort of time for me.
Heart: Ok, let's just clarify this a bit. Because Drew didn't love you
back, you thought you'd make her fall in love with you, play her around a
bit, flirt all sexy and romantic, then drop the bomb it was just a game?
Me: Uh, yeah, I guess.
Heart: Wow dude you are messed up.
Me: Hey! I had just been rejected by possibly the most beautiful girl that
ever walked the planet, I was feeling twisted.
Heart: But she said it back later, shouldn't that really cancel out your
whole revenge thingy-majig?
Me: No. No it should not. That was like, the biggest hesitation in the
world. She only said it because I was going to leave. Not because she
actually loved me, heart.
Heart: Well she clearly does now. Look at her!
I looked at Drew. Tears rolled down her cheeks, falling from her clear skin
and landing on the bed covers.
Heart: You did that Justin! That's on you! Now get over there and make it
up to her!
We must have been standing there for twenty minutes at least. Drew crying,
me staring. My heart was right. I had to make it up to her. God knows how,
it looked like the world was ending in Drew's eyes.
"Drew... Drew I'm sorry". I would have told her I didn't mean it, but
honestly, I don't know how I feel about her right now. I'm emotionally
conflicted. I walked over to her side of the bed, crouching down beside her
to see her face. She sniffled and wiped away the tears, glancing over at me
for a brief moment. "Drew, please don't cry baby" I wiped a tear gently off
her left cheek, and it surprised me that she didn't shy away. "Drew, don't
be sad". Well now I feel stupid. The understatement of the year award goes
to: Justin Bieber, with "Drew, don't be sad". She's freakin' distraught
man, she looks like she might never stop crying. I couldn't stop a single
tear sliding down my cheek either. "Why are you crying?" she choked
quietly, her voice a croaky whisper. "Because it hurts to see you cry" I
said, looking up at her from my position beside her fragile, shaking body.
"You're the one that made me cry" she tried to giggle, but failed
miserably. My heart broke at the sound of her words. It was so god damn
true. "I know baby girl, I was just really angry... that's all. I didn't
mean it, I swear". After thinking about it, I realised I definitely didn't
mean it. I loved her - like a friend - but I wasn't IN love with her - like
a boyfriend. "You did" she sobbed, turning her head away from me. I gently
pushed her body along the bed so I could clamber in beside her. She didn't
push me away, or tell me to stop it, she just turned her body away from me.
Nah, I'm not giving up that easy. It's actually a good thing she's so light
sometimes, because I can pick her up like a toddler. I took hold of her
body and pulled her into my lap. She let out a sort of frustrated, upset
groan, trying to push me away as I cradled her tight to my chest. She
stopped struggling and let me pull back to look at her. Salty tears still
running down her cheeks, eyes blood-shot and tired. "Baby I didn't mean it.
I do love you... you're my best friend". I wanted to apologise, but not on
false pretences. I loved her, but I didn't love her love her. Ya know? I
love her like a best friend, but not like the proper dating-and-in-love
thing.
I twisted her body around in my lap, so her legs were either side of my
hips, facing me. She looked into my eyes for a moment, trying to escape the
tears of sadness. "I'm such a ****" I cursed, removing strands of vibrant
red hair from her angelic face. "You're not..." she muttered in reply.
Really? I would have thought she'd think I was worse. Way, way, way worse.
"I am. I really am. You didn't deserve what I said. I shouldn't have
shouted at you".
"You kinda scared me".
"Please don't say that... I never want to scare you".
"Too late" she tried to crack a smile. It kinda worked. It made me smile
back. I pulled her body closer to mine. My hands were on her hips. Ah. I
uh, probably shouldn't have them there. I'm her friend. I think. If she
still wants to be my friend. I wouldn't want to be my friend. Ok, moving
on, hands replaced to the waist. "Please don't hate me..." that was a lot
to ask. Seeing as though I had been the biggest jerk in the world to her
half an hour ago. She stared down at her hands, clasped together in her
lap. "I don't hate you Justin". Wow. Well this day just gets weirder and
weirder. "You don't?" I asked, surprised. She shook her head, "No matter
how much I want to, I could never hate you". She might as well, I sure as
hell deserved her hate. I felt like I was choking up, and had to swallow a
few times before I had the gall to speak. "Just hate me Drew. Seriously, I
deserve it. I deserve to drown or some crazy shit like that" I felt a tear
sting my cheek, and I ran my hands through my hair, feeling stressed and
lost in the situation. "Shut up. You don't deserve that. You've said some
things, but then again, I've had my fair share. You stuck around... why did
you do that?". Good question. Why did I do that? She'd called me a couple
of things and we'd argued a couple of times in the past. I stayed with her
nonetheless. Even though I did feel like arguing back and shouting at her
the way she did me, I didn't. I kept my mouth shut. Why? What could
possibly influence somebody to do that for someone? "I-I don't know..." I
stuttered, unable to enunciate clearly. "I do know one thing though". She
looked at me, confused, as if to ask "And what's that?" with her eyes. "I'm
not going to New York". A plan formed in my head ;). "Justin you have to...
you gotta work" she mumbled reluctantly. "No, no I don't. It's nowhere near
as important to me as you are". I'm getting all sappy now. Aww, her face.
Blushing, again. You have no idea how good it is to see that gentle rose
colour take to her cheeks. I thought I'd never see it again. "I'm not going
to New York, and neither are you. But we are both going somewhere...". She
seemed completely clueless. "Where are we going?". Get ready, I'mma drop
the legendary bomb. You listening heart? How's this for making it up to
her.
"We're going to California".