Nervously tossing and flipping the coin in my sweaty hand, I advanced towards Bret's Bakery. There was already a customer inside, deliberating over which loaf of bread to buy. Not wanting to be in there any longer than necessary, I decided to wait outside and compose myself. You have to do this Lauren, you can't avoid him forever, I vainly tried to convince myself. The familiar brown door swung open.
''Quite a charmer that one, isn't he?'' giggled the middle-aged woman as she tottered out of the shop, acting like a ditsy school girl, carrying her precious loaf under one arm. Not that I entirely blame her, his confident, cheeky charms used to always win me over. Of course, not any more.
Rolling my shoulders back and taking a deep, ragged breath, I strode through the door silently, praying that he wouldn't pay me much attention.
'' DING DONG!' the bell above the door screeched in alarm. My body froze like I was a criminal, but my mind raced into overdrive. How could I forget about the bell?! I used to visit this shop everyday! Feeling his eyes burning into my back, I realised I had to act. I was a customer after all, he couldn't say anything here.
Feeling myself spin round to face him, I forced myself to meet his gaze. His wild curly hair hung like a cloud around his head. Great, big, green eyes bore expectantly into mine. He looked so helpless, lost, just stood there. All of my instincts urged me to just run over and give him a hug, make his beautiful eyes dance once more.
''Ummm,'' I began, clearing my throat. ''the white whole bread please.''. His eyes remained fixed on mine. He didn't move.
''Did you get the place?'' he asked cooly, as if he hadn't heard me. The voice which he used was totally devoid of emotion. It was clear he was talking about university, trying to make me feel guilty.
''As a matter of fact, yes, I did!'' I snapped back like a rubber band. Watching his face contort into an expression of confusion and hurt, I instantly regretted it.
''The bread, please.'' I prompted in a much softer murmur, eyes focused on the floor of the bakery. He nodded, looking thoughtful for a minute before reaching into the glass cabinet and producing the desired item. Hastily handing over the coin, I grabbed the bread and turned to leave.
''Goodbye Lauren.'' he called, the tiniest of wobbles audible in his voice. Looking up at him, his face full of hope, I bit my lip, to stop it from quivering. What have I done? Not trusting myself to speak, I managed a slight nod before quickly leaving.
'' I've done it.'' I thought, in an attempt to console myself. But there was so much left unsaid, stuff that needed to be said. Desperately, I wanted run back in there, tell him how much I love him and everything to be fine again. But we can't be together. I want to go away, to university, he has to stay in the bakery. It would be unfair to give him even a glimmer of hope. But I should explain, he has a right to know everything. Before I could stop myself, I flung the door open once more.
''Bret, I love you.''
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