Another Long Thought

Please read. At the end it contains information explaining my story, which I think is necessary for anyone who reads my story to understand before they read any more of it. Thank you in advance:

I believe that I truly understand the meaning of 'flying solo'. Since a young age, I've flown alone on pretty long haul flights to various destinations in the US and back to the UK, and last night was no exception. But as I sat up front in First Class, part of my mind wondered back to what I was doing one year ago today, and what I'd done for the past year. I thought about the moment I found out I was interning at Vogue, about Chicago, Morocco, Spain, France, South Carolina, Washington DC and New York; all the places I've vacationed to in the past 12 months. Then I thought of the lower points in my year, and one stood out above all the rest. On September 20th, my boyfriend died of cancer. And that really got me thinking. I'd like to say I'm at a stage now where I can think about that, with the benefit of hindsight, mainly because I don't tear up every time I think about him.
And that caused me to think about what I was doing on July 13th 2011. I can safely tell you now that I know exactly what that was: I was still in America, South Carolina to be precise, at my slightly run down looking beach house, with my boyfriend. By that point, I knew he was dying. I knew he'd be gone in about two months, so we made every moment count.
On July 15th 2011, he proposed to me. And I don't know why I didn't say yes immediately. I paused. And that pause is one of the smallest things I regret the most about my life. That pause meant that he told me to forget it; that by the time I did say yes, he told me we didn't need to.
So now, on July 13th 2012, I find myself pondering this issue. Here I am, a single woman with no ring on her finger, living in the country I detest the most, flying back from the life I want to live on what's supposed to be my lucky day.
And for a split second I pondered what life would be like if I joined him. Don't get me wrong, I live a pretty perfect life. I'm from a privileged background, I have everything materialistic that my heart could ever desire, but part of me wants more. Part of me wants New York, wants my father to truly show me that he loves me by spending time with me. Part of me wants a stable family, where I can come home every night and eat as a family, looking to my parents as role models. But the biggest part of me wishes that last summer never happened. Sure, it was one of the best summers of my life, but it was also all overshadowed by one life changing event.
I thought about him a lot, and began to develop that pang of grief inside of my heart again, and that's when I looked across into the clouds from my plane, and considered staying up here forever, with him. Staying in the clouds and in the heavens, where I could be with my one true love again and where I could live the life I want to live.
I'd by lying to you if I said I wasn't still pondering it and running through the idea in my head at this very moment, but what's changed is that even in that plane, there was still a glimmer of hope. Hope that perhaps the plane would turn around and take me back home, hope that being back in New York was an actual possibility. But as soon as the tyres hit the runway at Heathrow, that hope was gone, and in its place was a black hole filled with nothing.

I know what you're thinking: how does this relate to my
Opusses? Truth be told, it doesn't, it's just me rambling on about the past 24 hours. But one thing it can teach you is about the origin of my story 'Love You So/Too'. One of my less close friends asked me what it is it's based on, and how I come up with the storylines, locations and characters etc.
So I told her: the characters are all based on real people. For example, I am Tiffany, and Mollie is actually my best friend in real life, and Nate is based on my boyfriend, Nate. Nate passed away (as described above) so I started writing this is a rough 'memoirs' in the run up to the one year anniversary marking his death, so all the storylines are based on memories we shared. Obviously they've been accentuated a little bit, I've never been pregnant etc, but the places are all real, and the places are all where we've shared a strong memory.
So there you go. I'm hoping now when you read my story you won't just see it for face value, but also for all the smaller details that link it to my real life, and to my gorgeous fiancé.