Nate

11 months ago, my beautiful boyfriend Nate passed away.
I've spent the whole of the last 11 months remembering back to what I was doing on this day when he was alive with me: things like specific dates we had, like the day he first started talking about our future involving kids and marriage, like the birthdays and the celebrations, and most importantly the day he asked me to marry him.
Well on August 20th 2011, I was across the Atlantic, spending as much time with him in and out of hospital as possible, because we knew he had roughly a month left, and together with Mollie, we tried to do as many of his favourite things as possible, most notably watch all 7 of his favourite TV series: Desperate Housewives.
We managed to get through 7 series, but he never got to see the last series that was aired this year.
It's little things like that that keep me awake and fill me with regret that I didn't try harder to make his last few months the most perfect thing.

And now I'm going to be incredibly uninventive and post some of the lyrics from a song that I've been listening to for 11 months to get over him:
Since you've gone I been lost without a trace
I dream at night I can only see your face
I look around but it's you I can't replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby, please.