Necessitas

The green eyes gazed at me, piercing and cold.

Hesitating and terrified, I ran for my life, hoping to find a window or a door or a window in the pitch black room we were in. I could hear someone’s heavy breathing right behind me. A serpent hissed, I tripped over something that was on the floor.

I woke up, breathless and paralyzed. The moonlight lighted the small and warm room. My forehead and neck were covered in sweat, and my hair, in a mess, stuck to my back and face. I felt like I was choking, I jumped out of bed in a hurry to reach the window, gasping for air. As I opened the small window, the midnight breeze caressed my skin and filled the stuffed room with the fresh scent of the forest that shone under the pale moonlight. I listened to my heartbeat that slowed down gradually, and I stayed there, looking at the nocturne landscape that felt both heartbreakingly desolate and incredibly beautiful. The huge castle looked as old and wise as always, the small garden was lovely and heavenly under the proud full moon, and there was something eerie about the silence and calm of the whole place. Lord Nathanael’s castle was actually very beautiful, and he himself was a very handsome gentleman, but I couldn’t shake off the feeling of being menaced by some hidden threat all the time. I felt happy about leaving this place in the morning. I still had a few days of ride until I could reach London, and although a few more days of rest would have been nice, I couldn’t bear the idea of being stuck in this scary place for a few more days. I wouldn’t’ even have stopped by this castle if it hadn’t been for Charlotte that had blabbered for endless hours about how gallant and lovely Lord Nathanael was, and, to be honest, at first sight, he had seemed to be a perfect gentleman. But his manors were quite odd. He was seducing and charming for a few minutes, and then his personality was totally altered to become a rough and bitter man. On my first day here, he had disappeared in the middle of the supper and had returned hours later, soaked and angry. During the three days I had spent here, I had seen him twice strolling in the corridors in the middle of night. My door was locked and I doubted that he would harm me, but I couldn’t bring myself to appreciate him. Shivering and cold, I closed the window, and got back under the covers, hoping to get a few more hours of sleep before the long road that waited for me in the morning.

I woke up to a light knock on my door. The pale sunlight barely lighted the room, and I guessed that the day was still young. Hiding behind the door and trying to look as awake as I could, I opened the wooden door. Lord Nathanael was standing there, his back against the wall and nonchalantly smiling. “Good morning Miss Elsa” he said, “I wish I didn’t have to bother you at this early hour, but I am afraid that a violent storm is coming. As a host and a friend of Charlotte, I can not let you hit the road by this weather, unless if the rain and thunder is more pleasant to you than my company”. He looked down, and his sunny smile turned into a bitter smirk. I was upset. I had put all my hopes on my departure that was set for today. Now because of the weather, I was stuck here for at least one more night, and god knew how lucky I was, so I was quite sure that I was going to be in the company of Lord Nathanael for a few more days.
I knew that I was supposed to thank him for his hospitality and assure him that his company had been as lovely as possible, but I couldn’t think of a single sentence that wouldn’t sound superficial or altogether ridiculous. Before I had the time to break the silence and say anything, he looked in my eyes, turned and walked down the corridor, almost running. I closed the door and sat down on the bed. Where were my polite lady manors? I had just acted like a frightened brute, and had probably earned Lord Nathanael’s hate. I felt embarrassed because of my behaviour. Upset and edgy, I brushed my hair and wore a lilac coloured dress for breakfast.

The rain and wind defied the castle’s walls in the afternoon. I was almost happy I wasn’t on the road. I didn’t like this place, but I didn’t’ like being under the rain or lost either. Lord Nathanael was again nowhere to be found, and the maids and the governess knew nothing but that he had left for a “very important and personal reason”. In his absence, I felt even more threatened, by the huge walls and the storm raging outside. I shook of that feeling, calling myself an idiot multiple times. I sat on a comfortable sofa that had a clear view of the gray and blurry landscape from the huge window, and pulled my knees up to my face, putting my chin on my knees, watching the chaos that seemed to create unique patterns in the sky that disappeared in a few moments. The raindrops that tapped the walls and windows sounded like a cradle, and I felt serene for the first time since my arrival. Maybe this place wasn’t that bad. My eyelids, heavy, fell slowly, as I wondered where Lord Nathanael was.

I woke up to the noise of a door slamming. I guessed that it was the front door, and that Lord Nathanael had finally returned. The sky was still bright, so I couldn’t have slept very long, but I felt a lot les tired than before this little catnap. Lord Nathanael burst in the room, panicked and soaked. He was almost unrecognizable. His long blond hair that was usually perfectly brushed and arranged fell on his shoulders and face, wet and dimly glowing. Water dripped from his clothes and hands, creating a small pool on the floor where he stood. His eyes were alarmed, and his fair face was distorted in an expression of frenzy. I felt a shiver run down my spine as he looked in my eyes, deep and searching for something. Whatever it was, he seemed to find it on my face or my eyes, since he slowly calmed down, smiling, his shoulders relaxed and his posture felt less aggressive.
- “You are here”, he said, his smile getting bigger.
- “Where else could I be?”, I said, puzzled.
He burst into a quite and light laughter. I looked at him, wondering if he was mad.
- “You are absolutely right. Where else could you be?”. He seemed to remember something, and then, smiling like a boy, showed me the red roses that he had been hiding behind him. “Oh! Those are for you, I was almost forgetting”
I got up and reluctantly took the roses from his hands. Just like Lord Nathanael, they were soaked, and little droplets shone like pearls on the velvety crimson of the rose petals. They were beautiful, amazing actually, even if a few were a bit damaged by the rain and wind.
- “I’m sorry for the broken ones. I tried to shield them from the wind with my coat, but as you can see, the betrayer couldn’t protect either of us.”
He pulled and poked his wet clothes, trying to show how ineffective his coat had been.
- “Thank you”, I blabbered, confused. “Did you go out in the storm to get me these?”
- “I just picked them up on my way back. I went to see an old friend that doesn’t live far from here.”. His face seemed to turn into a grimace for just a moment, but than his smile returned, more superficial than before. “Let’s forget about it. I see that you enjoy watching the rain. The sky is marvellous in times like these, isn’t it? It’s just like the canvas of a painter that changes continually, with infinite patterns that twist and turns in the shades of gray.”
I chuckled. He looked at me, intrigued.
- “What?”
- “Nothing. It’s just that I was thinking exactly the same thing before I…well, before I fell asleep.” I blushed. “It’s just that the sound of the raindrops falling…”
- “…Sounds like a sweet lullaby, especially if you’re tired.” He added quickly. “I guess that you didn’t have a good night’s sleep, am I right?”
I blushed even harder. I looked down, and felt my hands trembling with the roses that made a low sound as they shivered, letting the drops fall to the ground. Lord Nathanael laughed lightly for a while, but suddenly, his laughter stopped. His posture became aggressive again, and his eyes were fiercely looking towards the door where a tall man was now standing. He had emerald coloured eyes and straight black hair that fell on his back, longer than Nathanael’s. His smile was seducing and playful, he seemed to be enjoying the fact that his arrival was anything but a nice surprise for Lord Nathanael that immediately turned to me, and in a voice full of authority, said “Go upstairs, Elsa, now.” I would have resisted if his whole body hadn’t been telling me that the incomer was a menace. I looked at him, he winked, I smiled without intending to do so, and immediately regretted it, as I saw Lord Nathaniel’s face turn into a grimace. I walked to the stairs, trying to avoid both of their gazes.
“Hello, brother” said the incomer, in a deep voice that had a slight French accent.

I sat in my room for an hour or so, before the temptation of listening to them and the intense curiosity triggered by the arrival of the strange man won over me. I was also dying to see him again, and have a chance to look at him without being under his piercing gaze. On the tip of my toes, I walked down the corridor, and sat on the beginning of the stairs, where I could be unseen and had a nice view on the room downstairs. The two men were silent for a while. I was afraid that they had noticed my arrival and had stopped the conversation. Nathanael was facing the other man who was comfortably installed on the sofa I had sat on a just an hour ago. He looked even more handsome with the dim moonlight on his face, as he looked out of the window. Nathanael was walking edgily from one wall to another, his hair in a mess that created a halo around his innocent face.
Nathanael finally broke the silence, his voice harsh and angry.
- “Stop lying to me and tell me what you really are here for. I begged you to stay out of my life, so I hope you have a good reason to be here, Louis.”
- “I’m telling you: I missed you, so I thought that I should visit you and take a look at the life that you have oh-so-carefully built. It’s been a long time, you know. Don’t I have the right to miss an old friend, Nat?”
- “A long time? A long time! Five years is nothing for you! Nothing, so don’t you dare going all dramatic on me, Louis! Why are you here?”
- “Oh lord. You were less annoying the last time we spoke. I see that this normal life has changed you, and not in a good way, my dear Nat.”
- “Stop calling me Nat. It’s Nate, Nathan, Nathanael, anything but Nat. I hated that name a decade ago, I still hate it. Louis, I know you. You are here because you’re searching for something. Tell me what it is.”
- “World peace, happiness, love.” Said Louis, smiling innocently.
- “Louis!” shouted Nathanael. He was furious, and looked older than his age.
- “Calm down, Nathanael. I thought that you would have guessed it by now, but it looks like you were too busy faking a life to notice that you’re holding a treasure in your hands.”
- “What treasure?”
- “The girl. She is this century’s catalyst. How could you not recognize the flame in her eyes?”
- “You are lying. She’s normal, she can’t be the catalyst. All the ones we met before were crazy and agonizing and devoured by the power they possessed. Elsa is as healthy and as normal as everyone.”
- “What century are we in, Nathan?”
- “1800s, why?”
- “What’s the other name of this century?”
- “The year of the Angel.”, he was in deep thought, while Louis smiled, watching him. “The Angel. Is this Angel a special catalyst? One that is more powerful than the other ones?”
- “Bingo.” He said, clapping. I wondered what the word meant, since I had never heard it. “This century is going to be crucial in the history of men. And she’s the only one that can start or stop the chain of reactions that will trigger all the disasters and miracles of this century. And I can tell you that there are lots of disasters on the schedule: two world wars, a colossal change in the way people think and appreciate art, lots of technological innovations, et cetera, et cetera…”
- “Wait; there’s something you’re not telling me. If I remember it correctly, in order to trigger this year, you need more than just a few drops of the catalyst’s blood, am I wrong? She’s the only catalyst that needs to be killed, in order to release her power.”
Nathanael’s face was as white as a sheet, his hands shook, and he looked terrified by what he had just said. I wondered who the girl was, and what they were talking about. I hadn’t understood much from their conversation, except that a girl had to be sacrificed in order to start a world war. My hands were trembling, just like Nathanael. My ring fell from my finger, making a horrible noise as it hit the wooden stair. I took it, and calmly went down the stairs, trying to look casual and as if I had just left my room. I crossed the room, calmly walking towards the other door, from which I would be able to reach the corridor and then the kitchen that was my destination, in order to have a reason to be downstairs.
-“Well, Lady Elsa, didn’t you feel uncomfortable, sitting on the stairs for almost an hour? Did our conversation at least entertain you?” asked Louis, looking right through me.
He was smiling, as he got up and walked towards the spot where I was standing, paralyzed and probably red like a tomato. He took my hand in his and brushed it with his lips. A shiver ran through my whole body, and my heartbeat went crazy. My hand was still in his, and the place where his lip had touch felt burning.
- “Pardon me for my rudeness. I am Louis, an old friend of Nathanael. Enchanté, mademoiselle.” His voice was like velvet, deep and smooth.
I had no idea about what I was supposed to say. Louis had apparently noticed me and had kept talking, not caring about my presence. The situation was very odd, but this was not the only thing that kept me from talking. Louis’s touch had left me dizzy and breathless, with a race in my chest. I thought that this silence would last an eternity, until I heard myself say, with a shaky voice.
- “What is this catalyst that you kept talking about?”
If I had had the slightest chance of getting out of this room without looking like a ridiculous person, it was lost the moment I pronounced these words. I had openly declared that I had been listening to them, and I cursed myself, as Louis’s smile got bigger, and Nathanael, a few feet away from us, looked at me, surprised and with his jaw on the floor.
​- “Were you here all the time?”, he asked in a whisper.
- “Not really all the time. But she has been here for at least an hour.” said Louis, giving little attention to Nathanael. He turned back at me, smiling again. “Not ‘what’ but ‘who’, darling. The catalyst is a very special person that was born to help Chronos, the god of time. And as to the ‘who’ part, you are the catalyst darling. Sounds odd, doesn’t it? Elsa the Catalyst.” He chuckled, finding his own joke quite funny.
My brain had stopped working. Suddenly everything I had heard in the last hour had absolutely no meaning. Everything seemed absurd, and I was totally confused.
- “You can’t destroy someone’s reality like that, in a second, Louis! What if she goes mad? Look at her, she looks terrified.” He looked furiously at Louis that still had my hand in his. He turned to me and seemed worried. “Are you feeling okay, Elsa?”
​- “And who is Chronos?” I asked.
- “You are really stronger than what I had imagined. See? She’s a real Hercules, Nathanael.”
- “Hercules was a huge jerk, Louis.”
- “True, but I was talking about his strength. Forget about it.” He turned back to me. “Elsa darling, don’t you want to know how you ended up being a mythical creature that will change the course of history, before hearing the story of Chronos?”
- “I imagine that you’re going to say something like ‘It’s in your bloodline, Elsa’ or ‘You are the chosen one’. And I don’t think that my mental sanity would survive that kind of cliché.”
- “Brilliant, simply brilliant. She’s strong, intelligent and so much more beautiful than all the other catalysts we’ve seen, Nathanael, isn’t she?” He was shaking his head in amazement, while Nathanael’s face was getting more and more furious.
- “Let her sit down, Louis, and stop touching her if you don’t want her to have a heart attack.”
He smirked bitterly, as Louis finally released my hand, and I walked to the sofa and sat down. I didn’t like being alone and in an inferior position to them. Louis’s touch had calmed me down, but now my heart raced once more in my chest and I needed someone to sit next to me. I knew the person that I needed. It had been him since my arrival here. He was the one that I was worried about in the storm; he was the one that had left me speechless this very morning. It hadn’t been the storm or my staying here for a few more days that had taken my breath away, but his earnest smile and lovely voice. I now understood that my desire to leave this place as fast as possible was because I was attracted to Lord Nathanael way more than I should. The realization brought with it some kind of lightness. I now could understand my odd manors in his presence, and the way the roses he had brought me had been the most beautiful things that I had ever seen, broken and bruised as they were. I smiled, amazed by how much I could hide from myself.
- “Is she breaking down? Damn it. I knew that she couldn’t be that strong. I shouldn’t have stopped touching her. Why on earth did I think that she could survive this? Damn it.” Louis was talking to himself, disappointed, angry and tired. He rolled his eyes, shaking his head slowly.
- “I’m okay. It’s just that I realized how much I appreciated Lord Nathanael. I was thinking that I loathed him deeply, but it turns out that I actually love him.” I said, still smiling like an idiot.
What was happening to me? Why couldn’t I hold my mouth shot? Why had I just said that? I didn’t even blush, as if the knowledge of my feelings had brought to me a new kind of self confidence. I felt radiant; I felt like nothing could harm me, I felt like everything was under my control.
- “What?!” said both of them, their jaws dropping to the floor.
- “Would you mind sitting next to me, Nathanael? I would appreciate having someone by my side while facing problems. Louis, tell me more about this Chronos, please.”
Nathanael sat next to me on the sofa, looking at me as if I were crazy. There was also some kind of amazement and in his eyes. I smiled to him, and his expression got even more puzzled than before.
- “Elsa, are you sure that you’re okay? You’re not behaving like yourself.” He asked, worried.
- “I’m not feeling like my usual self either. I guess that discovering a truth about myself made me feel better. I’m also feeling lighter because I have a clear view on my feelings for you. I feel capable of anything, I feel radiant, serene. Maybe it’s Louis’s…” Nathanael interrupted my sentence, looking at Louis in a very odd way, a mixture of respect and disgust.
-“… Touch. People that worshipped you in the past touched objects that symbolized you to have a clearer mind, didn’t they?”
- “Yes… So maybe it’s a good thing that I’ve been gallant to her. If I hadn’t touched her, she could have gone mad like the others.”
- “And I probably would have never realized my feelings for you. Thank you Louis…for touching me.”
- “Oh lord, this sounds bizarre.” He answered, scratching his head.
- “I should thank you too” added Nathanael.
- “Wait, wait, wait.” I said, remembering something they had said a few moments ago. “What did you mean by ‘people that worshipped you’?”
- “Elsa darling, I forgot to mention that the Chronos we were talking about, well, is me. I’m an ageless antique god. The god of time, to be precise. Every century, my beautiful friend, Ananke reincarnates in a woman. She is the goddess of fate and inevitability. We created the universe together, but, when the new generation came, they imprisoned us. I managed to escape, but Ananke couldn’t. That’s why I’m here, in a vessel and living freely, while she has to reincarnate every century in order to pursue her existence. The woman she reincarnates in is the catalyst. With a few drops of her divine blood, I can perform a ritual that triggers and schedules every single thing that will happen in the new born century. In the endless book of the universe, this century is marked with destruction, sorrow but also birth, change, love and miracles. This is one of the most important centuries in the universe’s history.”
- “And that is why a few drops of blood is not enough to do the ritual, right?” I said, terrified.
- “Exactly. For the first time in this millennium, Ananke has almost fully reincarnated in a body. It’s funny how hundreds of women went mad with such a little portion of her in them, while you stand, brilliant and strong, when I can almost see her through you. I wish you weren’t the one that had to die, Elsa dear. I wish you had been born in another century. I wish I had met you as just Louis and not Chronos, but there’s a reason why my beautiful friend is called Ananke. It means fate and all things that are inevitable in ancient Greek. But you need to consent and believe in what you’re doing fully in order to fulfil your destiny.”
- “Tell me all the things that are going to be triggered by my death.” My voice sounded calm until I pronounced the final word. I looked at my hands that were trembling and pale. Nathanael took them in his and started drawing circles on my palm with his thumb.

The three of us sat there for hours. My burden got heavier with each word Louis pronounced. I was horrified by all the things that would be started by my death, but I kept my face calm and emotionless as Louis made a long list of all the scheduled events. Two world wars, a mass murder of a population because of their bloodline, a long period of tension that would cause the misery of the whole word… The list went on and on as I realized that my answer had been ready since the beginning.
- “I’m not doing it.” I said, interrupting Louis whom I had stopped listening to a few minutes ago. “I may look strong, but I can and will not be the cause of the suffering of billions of people, just to keep the schedule going. I don’t care who Ananke was, but she has done the mistake of the century by reincarnating in me. I was stubborn as a child, and I still am. I’m not consenting. I’m not going to die for this.”
- “You have no power, no word to say in this thing, human!” said Louis, his face terrifying, and his voice resonating in the room. “You are not even dust compared to the universe. You are nothing. The humankind and what they will suffer is not in your hands. You do not understand the master plan you’re involved in. You can not stop anything. If you do not accept to sacrifice yourself, the next catalyst surely will. You are just a coward, and you’re going to die.”
He said, pulling a sword from under his coat. His eyes were burning in a strange golden colour, and his face was distorted by a smile that made me shiver. The storm outside seemed to become twice as aggressive as before, and the room suddenly became darker, while Louis seemed to get bigger and brighter every second. I suddenly felt sorry for dying this young and stupid for having resisted my fate. I pulled my knees to my face like a little girl and waited for the moment to come. It never came. I heard an awful cry and the sound of clothes being torn. Suddenly the room became brighter, and I opened my eyes, scared of what I would see. Nathanael was on his knees, and he held a small golden dagger with a broken eternity symbol engraved on it. The floor was covered in dust and the clothes of Louis lied there, in the middle of a circle that seemed to be drawn with charcoal. Nathanael got up, put his dagger back on his belt and ran to me.
- “Are you okay, Elsa?”
- “I’m fine. What happened?”
- “I stabbed him with a special weapon made in Athens. I think that he screamed enough to awake the gods. He’s probably back in prison right now. I don’t think that we will ever hear from him again. Oh, and I didn’t have the time to tell you something very important, Elsa. I love you too.” He said, cupping my face in his warm hands. His lips brushed mine, and I felt dizzy. He chuckled as I blushed.
- “Wait a second. Where did you know Chronos from?” I asked trying to figure things out.
- “That’s another long story I will maybe one day tell, love. Now. Let’s get out of here, and never come back.” He said, smiling.
- “How can I refuse such an offer when you smile at me like that?”
- “If it’s that hard, just don’t refuse it.”
- “Can we go to London ?”
- “ Wherever you want, love.”