Lost Souls- Part Two

Hailstones pounded the sodden earth, whistling through the chill April air and raining blows on Luke's head. He felt nothing. Sitting on a rickety wooden bench on Hampstead Heath, he was numb. He was wrapped up in a ratty old black trench coat, his hands in his pockets and his head bowed. He had been sitting out in the elements for two and a half hours, and his hair was drenched, the fine brown curls drooping down over his face. The curls Katie had once poked fun at. A month now. And still no sign. The tears had long ago dried up, leaving merely an empty chasm of grief and loneliness. The shop was temporarily closed thanks to a problem with the water pipes, and the lack of anything to do during the day was driving him slowly insane. But he had taken advantage of this to be totally alone where no one else would try to talk to him. Since the incident, he had drawn back even further from the world; couldn't bear to be touched at all, wouldn't make eye contact, found it near on impossible to speak. Still he considered giving up every day. Yet the courage had never shown itself and he lacked the motivation to try and find it. The hail began to slow and he looked up at the grey clouds scudding across the unseasonably cold sky. Calmly, despondently, he sighed. A hailstone hit him and he turned away again, but always kept an eye on the clouds. He was sure now that Katie wasn't coming back. He knew she couldn't, and all his hope that the impossible might happen was gone. So now he knew that she must be up there somewhere. Because there was no way Katie could have not gone to heaven. She was, once you got past the teasing and the name-calling, the sweetest person on the planet. She would frown concernedly at Luke when he looked sad, ask him what was wrong, and tell him how to deal with it. Except she didn't anymore. She was just memories now, albeit good ones. When they said at the funeral she would be sorely missed, they had no idea. You couldn't have Luke without Katie. That was like night without day, tears without laughter. Katie had been the sunshine to Luke's downpour. He still hadn't quite got his head around it. Often he would expect to hear another bad excuse for getting up late, to see her coming home ruffled but happy after a night out, to be woken in the night for some trivial affair. And the way things went, he realised, was that you didn't know what you loved the most until you didn't have it anymore. His love had ended as soon as he saw the crumpled body, the rusty blood mingling with the rain on the road. It was an image that would stay with him forever, however little he wanted it. It had been enough to turn him into this, this seemingly heartless being with no emotion other than misery. But slowly, day by day, the final stage of grief was setting in: acceptance. He knew there was no use in it. Maybe pretence could start to take place. But deep in his mind, he knew he would never be truly happy again. Not without her. The love of his life, though he'd never confessed it. Never needed to; somehow they both just knew. But it was over now. As was everything. The universe could cave in any second and he wouldn't care. Without her, everything was hopeless.