Nine.

Left my sister behind. Had a cry on the bus. She's so small and dainty and she's got an old woman's head on her shoulders and she's so powerful and wonderful. She's nine now, and every time I see her I'm proud. We've been through a lot together she and I. I'm twenty one but I was eleven when it all happened, and I've grown up a bit crooked because of it all. I'm writing this here because I haven't anywhere else to put it. Sorry if its all a bit negative and stuff. I love my sister. I was thirteen when she was born and I learnt how to change a nappy and check the temperature of milk on your elbow quite quickly. I just have a lot of memories tangling themselves around my neurons and seeing her as a nine year old and still being here with me is so emotional for me. So I had to leave her behind again. Every time I leave I feel so guilty. But there's nothing I can do to help except just smile and hug her and play animal crossing with her. I planted begonias with her just before Christmas. Fifteen minutes of absolute bliss. But sure as the tide the negativity comes back like a great wave and I have to abandon her again. I'm loathe to do it. I have work and university and i live in a completely different city, but one day I hope she will come and live with her big brother. I have a heart but its smashed into a trillion tiny pieces. I'm not entirely sure what to do.