Brick In The Wall

I can't act the same ever with you again. I can't be 100% myself around you. I can't hug you whenever I want to. You're not rightfully mine. You were mine. I miss that. I will admit it. No one knows though of course. Why did you have to move on to her out of all people. When you were mine. You changed. You were way too sweet. And changed my perspective of a gentleman. You seemed to fit in with that term quite nicely. It pleased me but I guess it was too overwhelming. I also decided to break up with you because I liked your best friend out of all people. Now you are giving me exactly what I gave you. Exactly what I did to you. Is this revenge or what. Because if it is. Shouldn't you be ignoring like you have been. And not calling me babe. Friends don't call each other babe. Okay. You like my best friend now. Call her babe. You started texting me but I got kind of confused. You were always like that. Avoiding me. Ignoring me. In person. But over the phone you could do whatever you wanted. That's basically how it is now. And we can't really remake anything. The past is the past. I don't necessarily regret it. I just yearn about it sometimes. When I feel all weak I think about the past and about us. I still have the paper. I always kept it. It's meaningful. I know you still have feelings deep deep down in there somewhere. You're probably trying to bury them. Drown them. Till they sink and fall to the very bottom. Mine well they're still getting there. Trying to make their way. But something about you. I can't exactly describe it. It keeps me from trying to get over you. Maybe it's the thing that made me fall in love with you in the first place. And whenever we accidentally catch each other in the eyes. In that moment I feel safe and awkward at the same time. And enchanted. There's a feeling of discomfort. A feeling of sixth grade. We all know we can't repair what we made broke down and tried to fix. We may seem like we haven't been through a lot but I just awfully miss you Casey. Why can't I get past you. Get over you. I honestly do want to somewhat start over. But I can't. We already have made something beautiful. A beautiful disaster that happened at the wrong time. I'm sorry I hurt you. When I said you deserved better I never expected us to ever fall for each other again. Then we hissed at each other by using silence. Silence and blank stares while passing each other in the hallways. I just don't really know what to do. I've cried about you you know that. I wonder if you have. Most likely not. But I hope you sometimes think fondly about me. I'm not someone you can erase permanently in a quick of a flash. Just as you are. Your eyes are mesmerizing. They're gorgeous. Just like your face. It's cute. It's matured. I've seen you grow up through the years. Your laugh is amazing. And cute. I love it. I love everything about you. Your flaws are even more amazing. Please don't ever change. I know I'm now just a girl or friend to you but not a girlfriend but I promise to be by your side and have your back as long as you choose to keep me in your life. I am pretty much in love with you Casey Wayne Ingham and I'm not going to tell you anytime soon because I don't want to ruin anything. I'm not afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of you ignoring me again. I am now satisfied.