21 May 2012
*1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.*
*2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.*
*3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.*
*4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.*
*5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.*
*6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.*
*7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.*
*8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.*
*9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.*
*10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.*
*11. Atheism is a nonprophet organization.*
*12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here; I'll go on a head."*
*13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.*
*14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."*
*15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.*
*16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.*
*17. A backward poet writes inverse.*
*18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.*
*19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.*
*20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.*
*21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."*
*22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"*
*23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.*
*24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One said, "I've lost my electron." The other said "Are you sure?" The first replied, "Yes, I'm positive."*
*25. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.*
Some of the old ones are the best. OK, I'm cringing just a bit.
A Play On Words, Just For A Laugh. • Opuss № I