17 August 2012
It had been 2 full years since Nancy last saw her cousin Bob but not only was he her cousin, he invented the walnut. He was famous for this throughout the land. For the last 2 years he had been away from Nancy he had been touring the isle peddling his walnut related wares to townsfolk and also folk who lived in villages. He did not discriminate. When Bob returned he told of a remarkable story he heard in a public house one chilly morning over a pint of Cornflakes. The story went something like this:
In the town of Reginald Kenneth Dwight which is just north of Cleethorpes, lived a man with a golden cabbage. At this point in the story I would like to clarify that he did not live with the cabbage because that would be stupid and probably illegal. What I meant was that a man lived just north of Cleethorpes in a town called Reginald Kenneth Dwight, he had a cabbage that was gold. And to further clarify the cabbage was propper gold. 24 karat and not just gold in terms of aesthetic visible appearance. And to further clarify for the less educated cretins out there, when I say 'karat' that is not a vegetable, although a carrot is a vegetable. Carrots are orange, which is almost gold, so I see how one could get confused. Got it?. Good. So he had this golden cabbage that was kept in his shed in his back garden. It was a maximum security shed so had at least three padlocks and it didn't have a door handle on it so therefore impossible to break into. One day this man woke up. If he did not wake up he would have been dead and that would have been a tragic and somewhat premature end to the story. When he went outside to his shed to check on his golden cabbage, as was his daily routine, he was shocked to find that it was no longer there. His shed was gone and by extension so was his golden cabbage. So the theives couldn't get into the shed to steal the golden cabbage so decided to steal the maximum security shed with the golden cabbage in it. A terrible tale indeed and one that can teach us so much emotionally, physically and mentally.... and about where not to store your golden cabbages.
Bob And His Walnuts Of Wonder. • Opuss № I