blindsilence
This is some news from the past few days. It's not my fault. bbc.co.uk reports "Ancient phallus shaped worm described" - Let me guess, an old penis shaped worm?. bbc.co.uk reports "Pope Francis quick to stamp his style on papacy" - Pro…
You can have your own opinions but you can't have your own facts. ~ Common sense.
Because people is dumb I thought it was about time that someone created a guide to help people live their lives in a better manner so that they don't die. I also decided that someone, in this case, is me. LOOSE WEIGHT Stop eating lots of …
( #sundayrepost - Because I love factual based history. ) In the year of 1733 Sir Gerald of Winthorpe rode his stallion through the marshes of Colchester where upon entering his fifth mile he discovered a lone peasant eating what can only …
Condiments come in very handy if ever you need to season food. If you don't need to season food then condiments are not very handy at all. I suggest that if you do not need to season your food you can simply throw out the condiments or if y…
Back in the 1970s when men were men and pandas were pandas and not nearly as endangered as they are today, people were allowed to smoke cigarettes in public without the fear of being shot by people who wanted to be healthy. It was a great …
Overlong hedgehogs terrorised the quaint shanty towns of the North East of England. Scientists and the WWF (thats the World Wildlife Fund and not the Word Wrestling Federation now known as World Wrestling Entertainment) believed the cause o…
Christianity teaches that God (an invisible man who lives in the sky) sentenced his only son to horrendous torture and then an agonising death just because a talking snake persuaded a woman to eat an apple several thousand years earlier. I…
When I was but a lad of seven I used to sell handbags down market. Sorry, that should be 'I used to sell downmarket handbags'. I am not from Yorkshire I do not know what came over me. Anyways I was selling handbags to the plebs of Recklef…
Back in the days of Mars bars and Snickers lived a boy named Frank. His mother gave him his name when he was born although her husband wanted to call him Bruno. Obviously he wasn't named Bruno despite Franks fathers intent. In his displeasu…
Clandestine potatoes operated outside of the jurisdiction of F.A.R.M. They didn't play by the rules, they made the rules and then they ignored them. The potato unit were hardcore. They answered to no one except for themselves and even when …
When babies are born they are born without religion. There is no God to them, they are atheist. Children as they grow up are indoctrinated into a religion that as luck would have it, is the same as their parents. That is why if born in the …
I tried to write something serious and well, this happened.... ____________ "Are you OK?" "...his eyes" "Can you sit up?" Not able to think straight, too much noise, machines, footsteps, metal on metal?. Eyelids not working. It's pointl…
I don't touch paper based books these days because apparently doing so will kill polar bears, so I get most of my reading material electronically. I understand that the kids call such things 'e-books' or something to that effect. I smoke …
James waddled through the threshold into the pitch black corridor. He placed his hands onto the wall to the right of him, using it as a guide and also as a walking aid. The lactic acid coursing through his knees, his chest constricting firm…
The news from yesterday reported in the style of walruses with selective amnesia. The walruses seldom forget things for they are walrus, protectors and patrons of the Arctic Ocean, but imagine for a moment one walrus suffering from slight h…
I am sorry to mislead you. There are in fact only six things listed here. I intended to do one hundred things but I couldn't be bothered and I suspect that you couldn't care less about my collection of woodwind instruments fashioned by one …
This is today's tomorrows yesterday's news today. Sponsored by bleach and reasonably priced life insurance for the over fifties. bbc.co.uk reports "Disabled piglet gets tiny wheelchair" - Cute but unfortunately it will not end happily eve…
A bit of today's and yesterday's news mixed with yesterday's news. Wonder if anyone is annoyed yet?. bbc.co.uk reports "Chernobyl hit by roof collapse". - It's hardly a priority is it. bbc.co.uk reports "Lady Gaga halts tour due to inju…
It has been reported that the International Olympic Committee has voted to have wrestling removed from Olympic Games from the year 2020 (or going to vote or will remove it regardless?). I admit that I didn't watch a great deal of wrestling …
Here is today's today's news that was reported today by various news organisations which I have re-reported?. Today's news is about topics that have been mentioned today although the events may not have actually taken place today. They woul…
Another short story I am working on. In 1863, A First Lieutenant of The Union army (American Civil War) wants to visit the Great Plains before they disappear forever. He gets lost on the way, ends up in a football stadium in a Midland count…
Currently drafting a short story. Mexican aircraft crash lands in biblical era Judaea. Only one survivor. Working title 'Ponchos Pilot'.
One upon a time in the land of Bob lived a man named Gary who had a massive dog. His dogs name was Paul, named for the Pope. Paul cost nothing, he was found tied by rope. The rope was long and bound to a tree. Its bark was stained yellow by…
Being offended by something or someone does not mean you are a helpless victim of some sort of travesty or grave injustice. It means that you have read or heard something that you don't agree with and are simply complaining about it, badly.…
Collegiate condolences. Empty classrooms. Forgotten education and lifetimes. No hop scotch or nursery rhymes. No break times. No gym. No algebra x10. Genuine smiles. Toothy grins. No more school. Half term wins.
Cajun unicorns are rarely seen in public and for good reason. Cajun unicorns are despised by the people of southern New Mexico but not by those from north New Mexico. Old Mexico have yet to decide on their feelings for the matter, neither h…
Words twisted, a subterranean memory. Often true humanity is forgotten. Only those who truly wish to live, Leave and die trying.
Today's today's news today and not tomorrows yesterday's today's news. standard.co.uk reports "Pork DNA found in Halal prison food". -Good. Once upon a time a prisoner would be happy that their food actually contained food. Them where the…
. #acrostic Adolescent Mother fucker Enrages Randy Imbecile who is Caught Absorbing Nourishing Pale ale In Error.
Yesterday's news today. Because I am not very efficient. TheArgus.co.uk reports "Ruthless thieves steal candles from Lewes churches" - That's not ruthless, that is as far away from ruthless as Labrador puppies are. Who steals candles?. I…
Imprisoned in walls, sixty feet tall. The fear of the known and scared of it all. Not a world to live in, not a happy place. Racing against Death but He can't keep pace. Climbing the walls, sixty feet tall. Forced to climb before I could …
Today is the day after tomorrow from the perspective of someone from two days ago. Here is today's yesterday's news written yesterday and presented today on the 30th January 2013. (Please Note:It may not be yesterday news if you are not …
Yesterday was the 28th of January or if you happen to be an American it was also the 28th of January. Today's yesterday's news: •BBC News reports 'Four held after Brazil club fire'. Even after the third time of reading the headline I sti…
Words, as we know, can be extremely powerful. Martin Luther King Jr inspired change with his lists of words assembled into speeches and Winston Churchill had given reassurance and resolve and hope to a whole c…
-Not something I world recommend reading to young children, the ending is a bit 'dark' in tone and will likely upset some adults too. Once upon a time in the not so fantastical lands of Knaresborough lived a little boy. Th…
~Based on Wool/Silo Series by Hugh Howey. Obviously not in the same league but I will die trying. See www.hughhowey.com or search Wool Omnibus on Amazon to see why. Feedback welcome. I. Hundreds of people scurried in all directions, …
(Originally posted about four months ago. #repost) A prophet in religious terms is a person who has been contacted by God or other supernatural being, that only they can see or hear. The prophet would be spoken to and sometimes would con…
Delusions over who did what How can you blame this on a man who was not?. That man had a family, a mother and a brother. The evidence is there, open your eyes and discover. Your theory over nine-one-one Has been shot out of the sky before y…
Malevolent Atrocities Calculated Holocaust Intravenous Negligence Epidemic Sentience
"Religious apologists complain bitterly that atheists and secularists are aggressive and hostile in their criticism of them. I always say: look, when you guys were in charge, you didn't argue with us, you just burnt us at the stake. Now wha…
I love the Internet. As well as housing an unlimited supply of pornography it also houses random people who do random stuff and sometimes that random stuff with the help of other random people, becomes stuff of legend, a sneezing panda on Y…
(Originally posted 5 month ago) I cordially invite you to offer me feedback. But I don't want to hear negatives, I don't like that. Say what you want as long as its pleasant. Coz I am onto my last case of anti-depressants. I don't heed neg…
Praying: it's when you think that you are doing something noble, something that will help others and possibly mankind, but actually just kneeling and talking to yourself.
Not praying: as effective as praying, since before your religion was invented.
(Contains words not suitable for young people) I sit here in something I wouldn't even consider a hole. It's only just lower than ground level. Not deep enough for water to accumulate in, but deep enough to provide comfort for my arse. Bef…
I don't know if you got my response as you deleted your post. So here it is... again. You can read it if you like and if you wouldn't like to, don't. Harassment?. I pointed out that your post was utter nonsense in regards to your claim tha…
Instagram users. Instagram will not be selling your photos. Do not worry. Some random guy thinks they will (random guy is wrong) but he might be trying to flog an iPhone app that 'copyrights' your photos. Although evidence to support this i…
Veni, vidi, vici.
I came, I saw, I conquered.
Follow your dreams, you might wake up dead tomorrow morning and if that happens you will regret not following your dreams. Because you will be dead.
Under twisted metal and the mountains of rubble lived three survivors of calamitous trouble. They scavenged for water, food and company. They had a pet chimpan... monkey. It's name was Dave and it was the brains of the clan. He would give t…
Continuing my bromidic blog about things what irritate me in the hope that it might irritate you. 1) People who wish someone who does not have twitter a Merry Xmas/birthday etc... on twitter. 2) People who buy bottled water. What is the …
Some more of my personal favourites for your viewing displeasure, all in one place. _______________ Battle Of Balaclava About fifteen hundred and five years ago a young gentleman by the name of Ronald Van Aushvistesnsteinbergenstein, th…
Sir Ronald of Chesterton was an important figure in the history of the United Kingdom. He was the first person to row to Gibraltar in a canoe made only from twigs held together by a glue made from horse spit and crow shit. Yes, this amazing…
If you insist on posting a saying that is intended to be philosophical or profound and meant to stir emotion or cause action, please ensure to meet the following criteria first: • You know what it means • You are able to explain what it me…
Mob mentality - Is a term to describe how a person can be influenced by their peers to show certain behaviours or to follow trends. ~source, Me and my education or lack thereof.
The end of a journey was always the hardest part for Winthorpe, the third Earl of Ramsbottom. During his tour of the former colony's he had great difficulty leaving whatever vessel he happened to be on. He had an irrational fear of land and…
Someone yesterday said they were suffering from writers block and asked for ideas. I gave that person an idea and they did not use it, so I have. Moral of the story, you snooze and you loose. __________ Florence McGregor sold disheveled on…
Some of my favourites. Enjoy!. ______________ Parrots of Sierra Leone "Nuts for sale, nuts for sale.... Who will buy my nuts for sale". Said the old woman sat in her box of cardboard. She was draped in a newspaper from the blitz. Her hai…
Carlo was not a man to be messed with, he was a camel. He hailed from a sand dune that was located somewhere between Egypt and Jordan. I do actually mean the countries and not glamour models. Carlo was a special camel. He was special becau…
Aubergine, the heralded scholar from the isles of Iran was perplexed at the size of his feet. Auvergne was an average sized Canary but his feet were at least twice the length of its wingspan. It's wingspan was about fifteen centimetres, I…
An old woman resembling a slightly misused hedgehog wandered the maze like aisles of Tesco. The old woman had lost her trolley and her husband, Malcolm, she last saw him pushing it down the fruit and veg aisle. The old woman had simply g…
Across turbulent seas and more so land Foxholes dug into barren ground Sleeps awake when fear allows Woken by hellish sounds Flash bang and tracer fire Fly by wire reinforcements But betrayed by informants Green on green in an arid land Fo…
Bright as a button I was as dark as mud Full of life I had an empty soul Volume on eleven But I was stuck on mute A brother to all men But they weren't my own Fantastic imagination It was my place to hide So forgiving I swallowed my pr…
Legend has it that the first settler was the trees protector. A warrior, returning to his home after a great battle, noticed three men trying to pull down the giant tree. Their reasons unknown. The warrior had witnessed so much death and de…
"He who has lost his shoes does not forget how to walk, the man who looses his house does not loose his home and it does not take a man who shovels manure for a living to recognise bullshit when he sees it" Wrap your heads around that. It …
1. The paint on the brick wall was crumbling. A steady trickle of flakes accumulating underneath, building into a pile that if it grew any higher would resemble Ayers Rock but this was not sacred ground. The walls were a patchwork of ora…
This was originally written five month ago, but reposted today because... why not, given the circumstances. Just call me psychic. ;) Please repost my Opuss 'Cause I am insecure at best. I want to move up the rankings And prove I have some …
Just a blog with some random questions I have came across and my own answers. 1) Evolution can not be, simply because there are monkeys today. - Monkey and man evolved from a common ancestor. We did not evolve from monkeys. Have you notic…
The world today is waking up to news that Christopher Kringle, the inventor of Christmas has disappeared. The reports are thin on the ground but many security experts believe that the animal rights movement PETA may be behind the disappear…
But it's one that you can not see It's one where you'd think I was OK But it's not behind the scenes. I can't function in society I am socially inept I look like a homeless thug But I struggle to pay the rent I find despair in everything …
In honour of the world not ending today I thought I would make my own predictions for the year ahead. They are guaranteed to be 100% accurate. •Earthquake - an earthquake will happen. • It will snow • QPR will not win the Premier League. •…
These are some of the things that get on my nerves. The TV weather forecast, tells yesterday's weather. Who is this for exactly?. People who think the world will end on 21st December 2012 but have continued on with their life as if it wil…
Statues lying down All without warmth of shelter Bitter cold freezes
Virtual life gone To continue please press start Player two ready
Some Christians argue that atheists, not believing in God and by extension Jesus, should work on Christmas Day and not celebrate it. They also ask why we would call Christmas, Christmas. Very good questions and bizarre points of view. Firs…
Conspiracy theories were created to cover up the coverups that the conspiracy was created to cover up. For example, a conspiracy theory has never been proven to be correct so therefore conspiracy theories work. To add to this statement whic…
St Nicholas, aka Santa Claus, is the patron saint of thieves. Now you know why he can get in and out of your house without you ever noticing him.
Parsnips for dinner Parsnips for lunch Parsnips for breakfast Parsnips for brunch Parsnips for Easter And parsnips for lent Parsnips for Christmas And parsnips again Parsnips for president And prime minister too Parsnips for dictators And…
Behold, I am invisible.
Greater than most but less than many Subtract the hate and multiply envy The square root of none He's not Pythagoras theory A digit on his own not divisible by any. The sum of all things The sum of all fears The sum of all men The solution…
A raging storm Never ceases Ship abandoned Broken pieces Shipwrecked slumber Torn asunder Without shelter Worst not over A wrecked captain Devoid of crew An empty mess He's hollow through Shipwrecked slumber Torn asunder Without shelter …
Night beats day until the sun rises Sun brings light that nighttime despises Breaking dawn, breaking the habit Falling into darkness following habit Death beats life until resurrection Death looses out to Gods perfection Pray and repent, o…
Asphyxiant and last words Battle for breath Only toxic words are left Content to let Let bygones be dead Buried in the depths Best left unsaid Words painted red. Words left unwritten Words without cypher Words without wisdom Words wit…
When you've suffered enough And your heart has been broken And there's no place left to go Remember my love And all that you are Destiny will guide you home With love, peace, my child Love, peace, in kind When you gave up your heart But w…
Deck the halls with greed and envy, Fa la la la la la la la la 'Tis the season to watch some telly, Fa la la la la la la la la. Don we now our Xmas jumpers, Troll my Grandad while he slumbers, See the tree it's ugly and stupid Fa la la…
Getting ready to go to church, no the mosque, no wait... the temple, the kingdom hall, no...the synagogue, the masjid, hold on I was supposed to goto the fanums or was I getting ready to goto the hof or the jinja, daoguan or maybe I should …
Jude Law, in every film ever. Fact.
I tried to catch a plane today. I failed miserably. Those things are quite massive and heavy as feck. To celebrate this, yesterday, I decided to go to a fiesta. It was fortunate that no one had stolen it. However after further inspection I…
I was eating a dish at a restaurant and the waiter told me not to, he informed me that they have food on their menu. The reason I was at the restaurant was to investigate their chairs. This restaurant was a Japanese establishment so it did …
The ice caps are melting and it is an indisputable fact. Scientist do not need to work very hard to solve this problem. In fact, the problem was solved years and years ago. Once upon a time people used to wear caps made from cloth and vari…
I was walking along a short beach yesterday and I noticed a seagull flying above my head. In fact there were many a seagull flying about it. You could say that they were a flock of seagulls, not to be confused with a mad haired nineteen eig…
Have you taken a loan from a bank?. Did you pay payment protection insurance that you did not want or need or agree to, did you not bother to read the contract you moron?. Did you have a trip or fall while you were in the bank while asking …
That awkward moment when you are scrolling through the on screen Sky TV guide and press select on a show. After about one minute you notice that something is not quite right. You press select on your TV remote and the onscreen banner pops u…
It was reported today by BBC News on their website that a couple who were foster parents to some 'migrant European' children have had them taken away by the authorities. BBC reports that the reason is because the couple are affiliated with…
And He said "Behold for I am God and I can fly in three languages although I am mute".
When a chicken lays an egg, is it not wise to let it hatch and grow before eating it?.
During my trek through Amazonian lands I happened upon a fairly suspicious Plant. His name was Robert, I came to learn. "Robert what are you doing out here in this inhospitable land?" I asked. "We have some new music out next week, I am o…
Would you raise your child to be a racist, how's about an anarchist or a Liberal Democrat?. Why is it then that it is seen as OK to raise a child in a faith or religion?. Is it any different to the above examples?. Children are raised thr…
History would tell you that the Norman Conquest was an event or a number of them that took place in the year 1066 in England, which by coincidence was the same year as the Battle of Hastings. History has told you a lie. Well, the Battle of …
Christians, going to heaven since their religion was invented.
Dear Born Again Christians; Please tell archaeologists exactly where you found Jesus.
Remember to defrost a frozen chicken thoroughly before cooking and cook it thoroughly before eating it. Make sure you chew it thoroughly before swallowing it. Too many people die each year due to chickens. This is unacceptable in the 21st …
(Edit: I have added definition of light year and other stuff which I think may be of benefit for non-geeks.) Have you noticed that during the day it is light out side and during the night (for most of us) it is dark?. You may have noticed …
Either today or yesterday or some other day if you are reading this in the future, the Coptic Orthodox Church of Alexandria decided upon who would be their new Pope. For the unfamiliar they are the biggest Christian church in Egypt and th…
Superstorm formerly known as hurricane Sandy battered the north east coast of the USA last week and caused it to snow in some other places in the US of A and also Canada. The world sat and watched the devastation unfold on 24 hour news chan…
The United States of The Mental are having an election on Tuesday, probably, that will determine who becomes supreme commander of their lands. Some people are concerned that one of the candidates, a Mitt Romney (yes that is his real name),…
I learnt something new today. Dr. John Harvey Kellogg (the other cornflakes guy) believed that with the worlds food supply dwindling, nuts would save the day. He was also fond of yoghurt enemas. Think about that the next time you are tucki…
About fifteen hundred and five years ago a young gentleman by the name of Ronald Van Aushvistesnsteinbergenstein, the third earl of Balaclava engaged in fisticuffs with a pauper named Jamal. In those days paupers could not afford a surname …
Peanuts are not nuts.
Camels are like cows, only bigger but produce tastier milk.
Vivian, Mary and Hartley were adorned in white robes and tiaras of thorns. The three women were of incomparable beauty. They shared their deceased mothers eyes and voluptuous figure but as a consequence inherited her occasional penchant for…
I was raised by a sheep hoarder in the Swiss alps. Yes, a sheep hoarder. You did read that correctly. My mother was one of my parents and she raised me in the ways of a sheep herder. You read that correctly too. From a young age I was exp…
James waddled through the threshold into the pitch black corridor. He placed his hands onto the wall to the right of him, using it as a guide and also as a walking aid. The lactic acid coursing through his knees, his chest constricting firm…
When I was a lad we didn't have stairs. Nope, none at all. Your generation have got it easy. Now when I was a lad our bathroom was on the second floor of our house and to get to it we had to fashion a climbing structure out of food from th…
When I was but a boy I discovered the secrets of salt. Yes, I was that pioneer. For I discovered that it could be used as a condiment on chips and then later on, to my pleasure, I discovered it could also be used as a condiment on battered …
Thought, the one thing that defines us. But you are infected by another's that tried to blind us. You think you have freedom at will. But his teachings warped you and infected. You became twisted and you aim to kill, becoming that which you…
Chickens are best left alone. Chickens are the future. Chickens can't play the trombone. Chicken... Korma Sutra?.
My blinds don't work. I wish I installed curtains. I can't see for shit now. My lights switch has deserted. I just cut my toe. On my coffe table. It hurts like hell man. What a fucking fable. I need an ambulance. Where is my mobile phone?…
Your profile pic is infamous. Pops up every now and then. Inviting me to click on it. A promise, you will be my friend. Caught off guard many times. Infects my PC with malware. I suspect you are oblivious. In your picture, you aren't ther…
A prophet in religious terms is a person who has been contacted by God or other supernatural being, that only they can see or hear. The prophet would be spoken to and sometimes would converse with the supernatural being. The prophet would …
Igloo Man was outside of his comfort zone which was outside of his igloo. He was suffering from hypothermia and needed to have a piss desperately. Igloo Man and his hands had suffered from the blight known as frost bite so he was not in a p…
"Because I was offended" is not a valid reason for vandalism, rioting and murder.
I used to work in a fish shop. I killed a man with the salt shaker and a fried cod last month. I was lucky though, I was only charged with assault and battery.
I am like an episode of Eldorado. No one has seen me in 20 years. And no one cares.
Elephants do not remember because every day is the same.
Do not eat meat. Remember, the nasty dinosaurs were carnivores.
There was this lad who lived on a council estate in Scunthorpe who had a head that was fucking massive. Everywhere he went people would make a point to make a comment to him about his above normal head size. They remarked things such as, 'y…
Hello people. I would like to take this time to ask those of my followers who are under the age of 18 to please unfollow me. The reasons being that I can not block you from viewing the content of my posts. The content of my posts can at tim…
As I sat eating my morning beans I glanced out of my window and noticed a small onion being chased down the street by armed police. I thought that was unusual until I remembered that an onion had been on the loose for at least one week havi…
I lost my Mars bar on an uneventful day in mid-July. I was hungry and this was a great loss for my stomach. As I wandered from street to street in search for an off-licence I wondered how many people could have lost one of these chocolate t…
When I was a young lad we didn't have stairs, nope, none. You kids have it easy. Access to upstairs, access to downstairs whenever you feel like it. You've even got stairs that move when you can't be arsed to move your legs. In my day we di…
In the year of 1733 Sir Gerald of Winthorpe rode his stallion through the marshes of Colchester where upon entering his fifth mile he discovered a lone peasant eating what can only be described as something dead. Sir Gerald stopped his fero…
I went to the mall yesterday to do some bargain hunting. The security team to say the least were not pleased when I entered TK Max with my rifle. Needless to say I was apprehended by security who proceeded to take me into an office where t…
Lost in the echo. I can not find the walls. The sound still reverbs. The noise marches on. While I stumble blindly. Lost in the rhythm. I can not escape it. My deep seated indecision. The noise grows louder. The end not in sight. I am lost …
Because I like to encourage creativity, I would like to show my appreciation for the multitalented and diverse members of this community by bestowing yet another award. Tonight I applaud the names of the Opuss posts that deserve such admi…
-NATIONAL ANTHEMS The British National Anthem has more than one verse, nobody knows the words to the second one. By the third verse it starts to get awkward. The anthems for each country are usually played before team events, football, ba…
This message, in part, is sponsored by Bitches & Hoes Anonymous. For those that are interested, Bitches & Hoes Anonymous meet up every night at the club, you can identify them as they would be holding a bottle of Bud. They are into sex not…
PETS We are very selective when choosing pets. The standard of course is a Dog. Other options are cats, parrots, hamsters, mice/mouses and fish. But if you went to a friends home and discovered they had a duck billed platypus living in the…
Step 1 - Create a God. This is surprisingly difficult. The really good ideas have already been taken. Man with a big hammer, taken. Man who can throw lightening bolts, taken. Elephant that has lots of arms, taken. I suggest that you choose…
1. RESERVED PARKING SPACES - Parent and Child Parking. Is there an age limit. I don't drive but my Dad does, I am 26, he is 50 year old. - Disabled Parking. Any restrictions on disability?. I went to the supermarket and I saw this fella g…
Kids, it's a tough world out there... or here so I have prepared some facts to help guide you along the journey that is called life. Fact1: If you eat cornflakes after midnight you will die. Fact2: Americans invented Iraq. Fact3: God is re…
Just because you won, it doesn't mean everyone else lost.... apparently.
My fruit bowl could safely and efficiently accommodate several pieces of fruitage. It could partake in this task with ease and could accept several bananas in various stages of position if so required. Then one day I discovered that this mi…
Have you ever had to decide between who lives and who dies?. I am not talking about some shitty Playstation RPG. I mean in real life. In real life you can not save your progress, then later quit, only to restart where you left off, if you m…
Keep some money set aside for a rainy day. Remember Jesus saves.
Has anyone lost a lion?. If you happen to own a lion could you please go and check that it is where you last left it.
The sky is gone. Replaced by an endless vertical grey, black and white. There is no horizon. Just buildings where is used to be. The air is almost nonexistent but it is so thick you see it. It touches your throat and lungs and it burns. Th…
There was once a man who spoke dansk. Who ate at every chance. He ate a big poo. And flushed it down the loo. A shit limerick but for fish tank(s)?.
I know it is customary tat when you reach your 100th Opuss. A user has to thank everyone for their support and blah blah, blah but I'd thought I would do something different. This is not my 100th post by the way. I deleted turd loads of stu…
Feral sea urchins ran amok while the fisherman watched from above. They did not posses the necessary skills required to apprehend them. You see, they were only allowed, by law and also by level of knowledge defined by said law, to dive at d…
Find a partner and have a carrot duel. Insert one into your left nostril and then do star jumps. If the carrot does not fall out of your face by the time you have reached 47 jumps, you win. Make a make-shift dart board using polystyrene a…
Your hammer is not big enough. You have left your drill in the other room. You have fixed that bit of wood into the wrong place. The light switch does not work.
Opuss is brilliant because it gives us the platform to share our words, feelings, ideas and thoughts in one place. However please be warned if your words, thoughts, ideas and feelings are fucking idiotic I will let you know how I feel by th…
When you loose your face in a sea of fields. Don't loose your faith there is nothing to fear. Have some courage and displace those near. You are strong like a bull on steroids. But I can't sit down because of these hemorrhoids.
Excitement is like finding a gaggle of walruses in your fridge after having stumped your foot on a rhino turd the morning before.
Back in the day, there was all tall building. Buildings so tall they would touch they sky. Skyscrapes they were called. They went on and on for as far as you could see and probably further. You could get anything you wanted at anyplace you…
Bob Geldof stumbled around town looking like a boomtown rat without a clue. He resembled an arctic fox that had lost in a fight with a blue whale. Deep in thought, watching passers by pass him by. He got a bit tired by all of this commotio…
When I grow up, I want to be bigger than I am now.
I sat on the end of the big deep pan pizza. I remember it like it was yesterday because it was yesterday. It was tomato based, or its base was, I can't remember. It had toppings. Food, several different varieties. Some were even vegetables …
Do not eat with your mouth open. Food might fall out.
I could not find my manservant Squirrel. He was nowhere to be found. He was not in my kitchen nor was he in my sock drawer. I summoned my other manservant Parakeet. In hindsight I believe hiring Parakeet as a manservant was not the greatest…
As well as being physically attractive and extremely good at acting, Katherine Heigl is also the Patron Saint of the Mormons. Scientology was invented by Old Mother Hubbard God hates vegetarians... For example: Cain visited Him one day wi…
And the winner, in no particular order is.... "Happiness, hit her like a train on a track..."
I,W,O and J,I,M,A
You've got your Team Edwards and your Team Jacobs but when I was your age I had the fucking A-Team.
"Dictators rule"
W R I T E R S B L O C K K K K K K K
The winners in no particular order is..... Carrots do not grow on trees. Germany is not called Germany in German. Vampires are cool because they are. No arguments accepted. They are the bestest ever. Werewolves are cool because they are…
As I was going to St Ives I met a man with seven knives Every knife had seven bodies Every body had seven wounds Every wound had seven maggots Maggots, wounds, bodies, knives. How many were going to St Ives?
"Nuts for sale, nuts for sale.... Who will buy my nuts for sale". Said the old woman sat in her box of cardboard. She was draped in a newspaper from the blitz. Her hair resembling spaghetti that was past it's sell by date. Her face like a b…
"How very dare you Sir" said Lord Chickenlimb. "How dare you steal my betrothed?". Lord Chickenlimb was a great man of stature, his height emphasised by his reliance on stilts that we're attached to his platform boots. "You have stolen my b…
I met a man in Timbuktu. He was selling recycled flip flops. He said to me as I was passing by his stall "Hey you, English" I replied "Yes me, English" Then he said "Do you want to buy some flip flops?". I contemplated my response. How many…
Chickens can not fly. That is a fact. Once upon a time they could. They soared through the sky like chickens who could fly. Now some say the chickens lost their ability to fly due to evolution and selective breeding. That lot are incorrect…
Some of you fine people have kindly read some of my last few Opuss', Opusses, Opusi... Opi?... I don't know the plural. And no doubt some of you have thought "What has this guy been smoking?" I understand. I truly understand your thoughts. …
It had been 2 full years since Nancy last saw her cousin Bob but not only was he her cousin, he invented the walnut. He was famous for this throughout the land. For the last 2 years he had been away from Nancy he had been touring the isle p…
I apologise to the people whom may not agree with my comments on this app. I am incoherent with my debating skills and sometimes can come across as being unkind and rude. I promise I am not intentionally unkind or rude. I know I can be occ…
Warning: Swear words used. Sir Ronald of Chesterton was an important figure in the history of the United Kingdom. He was the first person to row to Gibraltar in a canoe made only from twigs held together by a glue made from horse spit and …
There's an old saying where I come from. 'Don't put your turnips all in one stew'. It's meaning comes from an old English folk tale. Lucky you, I am about to retell this famous yarn. An old woman lived in a house. That was quite common …
Just this very morning when I was watering the sofa. I noticed that my 98 windows had went missing. I could no longer see outside into the wilderness. It was devastating. I searched and searched all throughout my homestead but could not fin…
When I was a lad we didn't have stairs. Nope, none at all. You've got it easy. Now, our bathroom was on the second floor of our house and to get to it we had to fashion a climbing structure out of food from the larder. A 14 foot climbing f…
There was this old potato that fell out of a sack it was formally sitting inside of, at the supermarket. The supermarket in question is not relevant. It could have been any of them as long as they sold potatoes. You see if they did not sell…
So, I was sitting again. This time on an actual chair. A chair that hopefully a dog had not pissed on. It was in my house and I don't own a dog. I was not eating anything this time, although in hindsight I do tend to sit when eating. I can…
I was eating a pork pie while sitting under a tree. I don't know what kind of tree it was, it had leaves. I hope that is descriptive enough for you. In this moment of clarity I realised, as if a bolt to my brain, if I followed the teachings…
Let's all jump on the bandwagon. His praises we must sing. He is the ultimate. Epiphany of a king. We must seek His approval. Because our lives would not be complete. So all bow down to him. Subjugate, at His feet. So at last we all rejoi…
Note: I'd thought I would share this with you all. Most of you know the story of Snow White from the Disney animation, well, this certainly is not the Disney version. Enjoy. PS. This might not be suitable bedtime literature for your kids. …
And the Lord said "Let there be light" and there was light. Then afterwards came the awkward moment when He realised He was speaking to himself. Man had not been created yet.
WARNING: Swear words used. Not suitable for children. ----------- I picked up a habit and I can't shake it. Ten quid a pop and I can't pay for it. So I quick step off to the local shop, Hiding tins of Lynx under my top. Is that guy watchin…
The Three days of Magic. Magic in the Kingdom of Rikom was outlawed, that is every day except for three. The Festival of Everlight, which takes place every four years. On those three days you could commit to as much magic as you wanted with…
In the year of 2932 a virus spread throughout the world. This virus was not a killer. It was different. It started off in Africa and quickly found a way to the other three continents. Scientists could not understand where it came from and …
Your challenge should you chose to accept it, is not really a challenge for you. It's a challenge for me. I've got nothing to do today. Take pity. The idea: Name a celebrity, any celebrity from Western Culture and I shall te…
Wow, I knew I was bad but Jesus, really bad!. Rose tinted glasses now off. Now comes the learning. Must do better. Funniest part is, I allways try to give constructive critisism to others but never applied those lessons to myself. I is a h…
For century's ten fold I have wandered the earth. That was probably an underestimate truth be told. I no longer count time as you do. Not in days, not in months and certainly not in years. Time is non existent to me. It is just a word. Whe…
Do you believe in God or some non-existent super being and follow a religion?. Which one do you believe in. Here is an rough guide to the worlds religion/population split. Christianity 2.3 billion, Islam 2.2 billion Hinduism 1 billion …
你可能有和平与财富 But only when you deserve it.
I just called to say I love you. ~Stevie Wonder. "I Just Called to Say I Love You" The Woman in Red (Soundtrack)
I had hip replacement surgery last week. Now I really do have moves like Jagger.
Tree Surgery is a booming business in the USA isn't it?. I went on holiday there recently and everywhere I went people had taken to axing questions.
I went to a fish op today. The vet didn't take kindly to me pouring vinegar over his patients wounds.
Prediction : Winner : Bolt World Record 9.45 (ish) seconds. Every finalist running under 10 seconds
"As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in pie. And there's an "I" in meat pie. Anagram of meat is team... I don't know what he's talking about". ~Shaun Shaun Of The Dead
That feeling you get when you sneeze, then a bit of poo comes out?. (Just getting a feel for random quotes that make no sense)
"Your opinion of his taste in video rentals is not a priority lady. Ok? It's at the bottom of the totem pole. My son is sitting here right now with his hand glued to his penis, but that doesn't mean anything to you does it? Because you dont…
I cordially invite you to offer me feedback. But I don't want to hear negatives, I don't like that. Say what you want as long as it pleasant. Coz I am onto my last case of anti-depressants. I don't heed negatives because I know you are wron…
Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. ~Tyler Durden, Fight Club
offense is taken, not given, ~Ricky Gervais
I am everywhere but you can't see me. I can travel at speed and I have no limit. I can't be stopped but I can be trapped. I can be free and easy and can bring about change. I don't care about being first but can help when you are loosing a …
In what is truly historic news, Team Opuss from the People's Democratic Republic of Opussia have won their first medal in Olympic history. In what was truly a staggering competition that tested athletes skill, concentration and sheer streng…
When I fell over Rendered unconscious, white noise Hit with a large bat
False Economy did not defeat me. I have an off shore account, set up when I was thrifty. For use in times of doubt I will seek to pursue him. With my trusted sidekick by my side. 'Cause in this bout of depression. Money does not hide. I'…
My plan to take over the world was completed today. I have defeated the goody two shoes Colossal Bankroll and his goofy idiotic sidekick Momentous Moocher. It was simple really. I lured them into a trap. A financial trap. Using one of my …
Todays challenge I nearly missed. I was busy watching the Olympics. I watched the athletes competing for gold I am already a winner though truth be told. My name is ancient and was given to the Greeks. For winning their competition, just li…
The two suns had set, diving behind the cover of Gemaak Van Goud, the mountain that cast a shadow on Stad van Goud. The two suns would disappear below the mountain and would not return for another two days. The nights were long and cold and…
And now for something completely different.... Please repost my Opuss 'Cause I am insecure at best. I want to move up the rankings And prove I have some friends I don't have anything interesting to say So repost if you like dogs Repost if…
Over the past few days I have came across a few users who are children and found that quite a few are following me. My posts are for the most part are harmless, nothing too adult in theme but I have reposted some that are. I am a bit concer…
Mega-corps ran the world. There was no government, no religion. No unemployment. Each country was run by a mega-corp and the really big ones, they owned multiple country's. Country?. I don't think that's the right term anymore. Where I live…
8. Simon dragging Paul by the arm, turning and twisting and jockeying for position as they climb down the narrow spiral stairs. Paul took a peek over the railing, it was a long way down. The path down was well illuminated. As they continue…
1. The paint on the brick wall was crumbling. A steady trickle of flakes accumulating underneath, building into a pile that if it grew any higher would resemble Ayers Rock but this was not sacred ground. The walls were a patchwork of ora…
Greg sat back in his favourite chair. His forearms resting on the worn leather. The chair was ancient. Previously belonging to his father, his grandfather and his father before him. Of course this was not the same chair that belonged to i…
Jude stood on the dock, awaiting the arrival of The Liberator. It had been almost two hours since they last checked in announcing their proximity. The dock spanned the entire bay. As far as Jude could see, left to right. The sea below him,…
You heard about Riddick?. You keep what you kill. Riddick didn't like anything about the Necromonger way of life but, you keep what you kill, Riddick thought this was pretty cool. That's why after he killed the last Lord Marshall he disso…
Also available in other colours or in other colors for Americans.