4 March 2013
Back in the days of Mars bars and Snickers lived a boy named Frank. His mother gave him his name when he was born although her husband wanted to call him Bruno. Obviously he wasn't named Bruno despite Franks fathers intent. In his displeasure Franks father emigrated to North Korea where to this day he lives the life of a hermit peasant emu farmer, probably devoid of all emotion and pleasantness while being watched by the state for any sign of treachery or if not probably the same thing but in a gulag.
On his sixteenth birthday Frank inherited the family business, Carrot Racing Inc. The business had been passed down from family member to family member since at least 1983 when his great uncle Colin bequeathed the business to Franks father who was named Gary. Before Gary had taken over the firm it had been called Turnips and Potato Enterprises. The business sold unused and unsold potatoes and onions to the unwashed masses of Slough for prices that today would be called 'reasonable'. The word 'Turnips' in the title was purely decorative. Marketing and focus groups seemed to like the word more than they liked onions and thus the reason why it was called Turnips and Potato Enterprise. Gary changed its name back in the year 1994 when he discovered carrots by accident while prospecting for gold in north London marshes. He liked the look and the taste of them and thought because of their aerodynamically shaped appearances matched with their streamlined aesthetics they would make perfect racing implements. He was correct. Gary opened his first racing track later that year and because of the sports runaway success he became a millionaire almost overnight. It in fact took one and a half days.
Frank did not want to follow in his families footsteps by being an innovator in the field of bland vegetables so he sold the business to an Iranian shoe salesman from Islamabad called Bob. Frank was now a multi billionaire. With his immense wealth he decided to become a force for good and for justice. To do something that would benefit all mankind. Something noble and courageous and so important that it would change the world forever. Frank decided that he would become a tree. Yes. Frank would become the first human tree. He gave his money to men of science and maths and biology and asked them to use their wizard like talents to turn him into a tree using the power of science. The scientists slaved away for years and a day and finally confident they had perfected the transmigration technique they carried out the procedure on Frank. The procedure failed. Frank died.
Look----> THE END!.
Colin, Gary, Frank, Potatoes, Turnips, Onions, Carrots And Trees • Opuss № I