17 August 2012
Warning: Swear words used.
Sir Ronald of Chesterton was an important figure in the history of the United Kingdom. He was the first person to row to Gibraltar in a canoe made only from twigs held together by a glue made from horse spit and crow shit. Yes, this amazing feat happened in the summer of 1521. At half past three. It was a great time, although I prefere seven twenty three. The construction and demise of this vessel was a differet story. It was the summer, three foot of snow lay on the ground which made finding crow shit difficult. It was easy however, to extract horse spit. Sir Ronald simply stood before one with a bucket. It took him about two days to collect enough for his trendsetting construction effort. Sir Ronald, when his canoe was built, named it The Mary Rose. The king at the time was King Henry VIII. I am not sure how he falls into this tale but I am sure it is an important detail for you history buffs. Several years after Sir Ronald completed his treacherous journey to Gibraltar, it was now 1545, or a quarter to four. The Mary Rose was ambushed by a fleet of French canoes that had also been constructed from horse spit, however crows were not native to France so history tells us that they had to substitute crow shit for the shit from peasant turnip farmers. This however gave the French fleet an advantage as its meant for a sturdier construction, a sturdier keel. The Mary Rose was sank. Lost to the waves. Yes. It's a sad tale but I pass this knowledge onto you so we shall never forget.
Tales From Herstory Past. • Opuss № I