4 March 2013
When I was but a lad of seven I used to sell handbags down market. Sorry, that should be 'I used to sell downmarket handbags'. I am not from Yorkshire I do not know what came over me.
Anyways I was selling handbags to the plebs of Reckleford in Yeovil for about two and a half hours when along came Academy Award winner Colin Firth and his entourage of hooded charlatans. They caused nothing short of a ruckus and would claim the most absurd things. One claimed that potatoes are gifts from the gods and as a result all non perfectly spherical potatoes should be tossed to the wayside. It was an outrage and the riots ensued for days, months and weeks. I couldn't believe their baseless accusations. The head honcho, the big cheese of the clan himself Colin Firth even claimed that Felix the cat was only a cartoon so should not be taken seriously. Now, I don't know where he comes from but around Yeovil them is fighting words. Big Barry had enough and he threw down his pasty and engaged Colin Firth in fisticuffs. The battle was long and arduous and blood was shed. Sheds were also shed. It was horrible, it was like a claymation fight from a 1940's Godzilla movie. Colin Firth with his face of granite won the battle. Big Barry retreated to the hills of Yeovil. Some say he now only comes out at night due to his disfigured face. They are lying bastards of course. Big Barry can be found to this day sitting on his bench in the town centre eating bacon and sometimes ham sandwiches.
During the clean up during the aftermath Colin Firth stole one of my handbags the wanker. He thought no one was looking but I was. I saw him. He stole it right from under my noes but I was powerless to stop him. After all he did defeat Big Barry in nearly mortal combat. What chance did I have?. I left him to his vices and continued my day.
Look-----> 78%.
Disclaimer: All events described and characters mentioned and described are fictional. Any resemblance to real life Oscar winners or places in England or events are purely coincidental and I shouldn't be sued because I am poor.
Colin Firth Stole My Handbag • Opuss № I