6 September 2012
When I was a young lad we didn't have stairs, nope, none. You kids have it easy.
Access to upstairs, access to downstairs whenever you feel like it. You've even got stairs that move when you can't be arsed to move your legs.
In my day we didn't have stairs, nope, none. In my day we didn't have stairs.
Stairs hadn't been invented yet. To get anywhere up a height we had to work for it. For example one morning my sister Henry and I went to the local skyscraper, we intended to scrape some skies. The sky was on the four hundred and fifteenth floor. Not one stairwell to help us on our journey to the top.
So what me and Frank had to do was get some old people to lend us their walking sticks and Zimmer frames and we had to fashion a climbing frame. I am not sure who Frank was, it didnt really matter. I think he might have been a milkman. I don't know where Henry went.
We didn't have rope either. So to tie our makeshift thingy all together in a secure fashion I had to shave all of Franks hair off and use that as rope, although in my day rope was not called rope , it was called 'stuff to tie stuff with'. Which leads me to my next point.
During my time in Somerset I found out that the people there were the first where for whom taking a bath was customary. That's probably why it took so long for stairs to be invented. Thieving bastards. You see, If the thief didn't have easy access to the upstairs bathroom it would be nearly impossible to steal one.
Anyway me and Henry got to the sky finally,after three years of building nonstop day and night. Henry came back from where she had been at an opportune moment according to Frank. Frank wasn't with us at that point. He had to get up early the next day so had to leave. He might not have said that at all.
We were alarmed when we got to the top of this makeshift climbing structure, the sky had gone. It just simply wasn't there. It was night, so in hindsight it might have been there and we simply could not see it perhaps.
We climbed down and as we went we dismantled the climbing structure and handed back the walking aids to the people who we had taken them from.
And that's how the Great Old People Falling Over of 1927 happened.
Stairs 2 :The Sequel To Stairs • Opuss № I