7 September 2012
As I sat eating my morning beans I glanced out of my window and noticed a small onion being chased down the street by armed police. I thought that was unusual until I remembered that an onion had been on the loose for at least one week having escaped from a maximum security Asda. According to the news this onion had been causing mayhem. It had smashed up at least on garden centre and had taken a number two in a public swimming pool. Yes, this was an unruly onion. Unruly but upon recollection it had an exquisite taste in attire. It was wearing a top hat and a tuxedo and also ran with the grace of an antipope being chased by nothing. This onion did not have a care in the world and it's behaviour upto that point proved it.
While running I noticed one of the armed policemen had fallen over and had landed face first onto a nearly stacked tower of Radio Times magazines that my neighbour had not recycled propperly.
Damn heathen. If only he recycled correctly like a true gentlemen we could have had one more polar bear on the world and also one more policeman on the streets. It was a nasty fall. I can remember my self thinking at the time "That was a nasty fall".
Being a true gentleman I dropped my beans and went outside to assist the policeman back to his feet. Unfortunately the policeman could not get up, he was injured. I phone an ambulance which promptly arrived. The policeman was not conscious at this point. The ambulance man asked me what had happened. He said "What has happened here then".
I said "This policeman was with a group of other policeman who were chasing after and escaped onion, this protector of the peace had tripped over and faceplanted on that stack of magazines".
The ambulance man smiled at me. He told me that this kind of thing happens all of the time and that I should not worry about the policeman because he would make a full recovery soon. I felt immediately reassured so went back inside to start scraping the beans from my carpet.
The Runaway Onion And The Nasty Fall • Opuss № I