6 September 2012
In the year of 1733 Sir Gerald of Winthorpe rode his stallion through the marshes of Colchester where upon entering his fifth mile he discovered a lone peasant eating what can only be described as something dead. Sir Gerald stopped his ferocious beast and said unto the peasant out of curiosity "Why do you eat such a thing you hideous gobshite?" The peasant was sat on his backside, he was covered in mud, his clothes were old and looked like they were fashioned by a one handed, blind and also slightly drunk Staffordshire bull terrier. He looked up, his eyes catching the glare of the midnight moon. In a fit or rage, for reasons Sir Gerald can not remember, the peasant stood up and shouted directly in the face of Sir Gerald's horse "What are you oh mighty creature" The peasant had not seen such an animal in his life. The horse did not reply for it was a horse and could not speak nor understand english. Sir Gerald kicked the peasant with his foot and the dishevelled and decrepit peasant fell down and into a bush of unknown specifications. Sir Gerald then continued with his midnight horse outing only to stop again, but this time to query why another peasant was sitting on his backside and also eating something that was equally as dead as the thing the other peasant he encountered was eating. This time Sir Gerald descended from his majestic beast and walked up to the old peasent. He said "Peasant you look like an out of service garden gnome but what is it you eat upon this dark and not at all stormy night?" The peasant stood up and stared directly into the eyes of Sir Gerald and said "There is a peasent a few miles back Sir, did you see him?" Sir Gerald replied "Yes, yes I did lay my eyes on such a fellow, he now resides inside of a bush of which lineage I am not certain of" The peasant was pleased by this response, he continued "This thing which I was previously eating before you interrupted my dining session is a bit of whatever he was eating".
"Thankyou for your response you scumbag of scum" said Sir Gerald. He mounted his trusty steed yet again and continued on with his journey.
The Adventures Of Sir Gerald Of Winthorpe And His Adventure At Midnight Through A Marsh In Colchester • Opuss № I