1 August 2012
In what is truly historic news, Team Opuss from the People's Democratic Republic of Opussia have won their first medal in Olympic history. In what was truly a staggering competition that tested athletes skill, concentration and sheer strength they had won a Gold in the 100 Metres Banana Hammock.
Captain for the Banana Hammock team Micky McMcMc had said that the hard work the team had put in had paid off. He went on to thank Opussians for there valued support and assured them that they would also go for gold in the 4x400 Metre Clown Tossing.
Meanwhile over at the velodrome, play was stopped due to an invasion on the track by Gangster Pigeons. They refused to leave until their 'homie' Magpie was reinstated in the time trial after having been disqualified for stealing a competitors wedding ring halfway around lap 3.
Also at the aquatic centre a scandal erupted when Team Opussia were suspected of cheating by using hotdogs as an alternative method of propulsion through the water. A rival team however did not see the incident stating that they were not wearing goggles, they were using a monocle so had only the use of one eye during the race.
Also at the aquatic centre Team Opuss gained a bronze in the 10 metre syncronised diving with a fantastic effort by the two divers. Their routine consisted of a mimic of a roller coaster, impression of a James Bond villain followed by an Olympic tradition as they entered the water, the legendary Super Wedgie.
The Daily Opusszette! • Opuss № I