Where We Are Going, We Don't Need Roads

I was eating a dish at a restaurant and the waiter told me not to, he informed me that they have food on their menu.
The reason I was at the restaurant was to investigate their chairs. This restaurant was a Japanese establishment so it did not have any so I immediately left, I of course paid for the dish I had allegedly vandalised.

On my way home I fell into a snake pit.
I am not entirely sure what these snakes were mining nor was it clear why they were mining. The thing is, these snakes were flouting health and safety regulations. Not one of them was wearing a high visibility fluorescent jacket and to add to this violation none were wearing hard hats.
It became apparent to me that this situation could only end in tears so I decided to leave. Climbing out of the pit was like a game of snakes and ladders, literally.

Americans call this game shoots and ladders. I believe it is because they either are scared of snakes or just find the notion of snakes and ladders in one place highly unlikely.
I also believe the American version of Monopoly is all wrong too.

When I finally returned home I decided to watch some TV. Content that it had not moved I went to bed and slept for a few hours and woke up later on.
When I woke up I decided that I was hungry so I ate some chips.

That's another thing, Americans...
You call crisps 'potato chips' and chips 'fries'. This even applies when the 'fries' haven't even been fried!.
Also 'potato chips'?, what the feck else can chips be made out of?.
After about three hundred years of existence, one would have thought that you would have picked up the language by now. I mean, even French people speak better English than you lot, they hate us to death and they speak a different fricking language.

£2.50 <-------- look, it's two pound and fifty pence!.