28 August 2012
Step 1 - Create a God. This is surprisingly difficult. The really good ideas have already been taken. Man with a big hammer, taken. Man who can throw lightening bolts, taken. Elephant that has lots of arms, taken. I suggest that you choose something that you can easily present to non-believers as proof of his existence. Something like a pickled shark.
Step 2 - Every God needs a prophet or several so again think outside of the box. Chose someone dead, that way they can not refute your claims. Bob Marley for instance or James Dean.
Step 3 - You need a head of religion. The boss. The big cheese. That's you dummy. You make the rules, interpret the religious texts (more on that later) and decide who the infidels are. You also can do miracles but also can define what a miracle is which will come in handy.
Step 4 - The Holy Book. It doesn't matter what it is just as long as the god you created is mentioned. For example, the pickled shark god I suggested, I would use Jaws by Michael Crichton and then also use the manuscript for the movie Deep Blue Sea. There you have it. An old and a new testament without any effort.
Step 5- You need a hook. Something to get the punters in. In my example pickled shark religion, the idea is that you must eat only fish and sea mammals and also donate money to the church, a sea life centre the head of religion (that's you) runs. If not then Old pickles comes back and devours you. Who doesn't fear an undead shark?.
That's it then, five easy steps to a brand new cul....
Use at your own risk.
Cult, I Mean Religion Starter Pack • Opuss № I