4 January 2013
An old woman resembling a slightly misused hedgehog wandered the maze like aisles of Tesco. The old woman had lost her trolley and her husband, Malcolm, she last saw him pushing it down the fruit and veg aisle.
The old woman had simply gone off to look for a pineapple of size that would not look out of place when arranged with fruits from climes closer to home, such as the majestic yet humble apple and the oddest fruit known to man, the tomato. When she returned empty handed they had gone.
The old hedgehogy woman, known locally as Mavis, went to the customer service desk to seek assistance. And assistance she got in the form of a man named Paul who was more than happy to offer assistance. It said that on his name badge and also on the ten foot banner behind his desk, although the banner did not have his name on it.
The old woman, Mavis, related her tale of woe to Paul who was paying attention like a carrot would when being chopped and perhaps being thrown into a stew.
"Ah, Mavis" said Paul when Mavis finally shut up. "You did not loose your husband here, silly woman, you lost him to the milkman from Aldi in 1998, that's why you shop here now, do you remember?"
Mavis slapped her self in the face with a packet of slightly damaged Polo mints that were on the desk in front of her. "Oh yes, it's all coming back to me now as is the time that Lordi won the Eurovision Song Contest" she said emphatically.
With this being said she turned around and continued her search for her trolley and a suitably sized pineapple.
Mavis, Not To Be Confused With Hovis • Opuss № I