12 April 2012
If she's jewish jewish put bacon in her purse and sausages in her handbag.
Act like I'm a spaz when out shopping When she walks along an aisle in the supermarket I have a challenge to knock stuff off the shelf into the basket she's carrying. It usually doesn't work and ends up hitting her. Gave her a dead leg once with a tin of soup! When I wander off to get something we need, I deliberately hide from her - to the point where when she is walking up and down the supermarket looking for me, I follow her but keep myself hidden so she doesn't find me. When she tries stuff on in a shop, I run away when she's in the changing rooms. This usually ends with her ringing me to find out where I am.
At the supermarket I like to sneak the leaflets about thrush that you can get from the pharmacy into the trolley when she isn't looking.
We were once in Sainsbury, wondering what to get for dinner in the fresh meat section. Told her I'd paid for the whole shopping trip if she ran up and down the aisle clucking like a chicken. She did, much to my amusement, and to the other shoppers bemusement. Got to the checkout, told her i didnt have my wallet. 'Found it' in my pocket as soon as she'd entered her pin number (of course I paid next time, but that's not the fun part...!) Often act like I'm mentally retarded walking round supermarkets, limping around, arms waving and talking really loudly in my best 'retard' voice. She looks like the horrible person for shouting at her disabled friend/brother I talk to other customers, particularly when we're having a 'discussion' about what to get for dinner. I'll say stuff like "she's always this indecisive, it probably stems from her mother..."
she hates mushrooms so when we are shopping I always put a single mushroom in the trolley and wait for her to find it. play fanfair music on my mobile just before I go for a poo.
Made my Missus an Easter egg hunt on Sunday, a series of 15 riddles of varying difficulty leading to another clue and so on. After the best part of an hour hunting she finally solved the last clue and rushed to where it was. She found an actual egg with a post it note on it saying "scrambled please". I didn't get any scrambled egg.
Sometimes when the missus texts me a run of the mill text during the day (e.g. just been for coffee with...blah blah), i text back the word 'Unsubscribe.' I find this funnier as she works in e-mail marketing. She doesn't like it.
When leaving the house hold her coat out for her to put on (having already tucked one arm of her coat into your trouser zip). annoys the hell out of her.
one that seems to annoy my mrs at least is when we're watching a dvd or some recorded telly, any time she asks me to pause it, i will, but i also just sit still myself too. i have no idea why but this really gets to her
Juvenile Things You Can Do To Annoy Your Missus • Opuss № I