24 August 2012
Dear Sam,
Good news! I'm outta the slammer! (you may remember that two years ago, I was falsely convicted of murdering my entire family. But that's all in the past now.) I am now on the run with Charlie "Chains" Brooker (10 years, armed robbery) and John "Dickie" Robson (25 years, rape). I am writing this in the back seat of an old Chevvy that Chains nicked. He got a bit carried away and stabbed the owner, so we've hidden the body in the boot. Anyway, I've sent this ahead because we need somewhere to hide out for a few months, and I suggested your place. So we're on our way now. See ya soon!
L.O.L.,
Cousin Bob
p.s. don't worry about feeding us all, when it comes to shoplifting Chains is the BOSS.
A Letter From My Cousin. • Opuss № I