Saran Wrap

@Andy_Hayhurst

Cunt

I wanted to write the word "Cunt" on Opuss but can't think of a sentence to use it in..

19 words

@Lushee

On Getting Rescued By A lifeguard At The Beach

Lifeguard : "what were you doing that far out. You can't swim. ...Son you're a good athlete, but I'v seen what you call swimming.It looks like a slow kid on his knees trying so smash ants.".

36 words

@helo

Beer Library

A man walks into a library and asks the lady behind the desk loudly' CAN I HAVE 3 BOTTLES OF BEER PLEASE' The lady replies sorry sir this a library.

43 words

@kidnapthesandyclaws

Well I'm Not Good With Titles xD

Two boys and a pregnant lady are at a bus stop. One of the boys asks the lady: what are you expecting. lady replies: a bus The boy turns his friend and says: holy shit dude, she fucked a transformer.

41 words

@Andy_Hayhurst

Assange

After numerous requests to leave the embassy, Julian Assange was reported to scream "NO MEANS NO!".

16 words

@lovebugmodel

A Stupid Joke

One day there was an old man who's name was Jeffrey and he was a bit deaf. So he asked his next door neighbour what his house should be called and his next door neighbour said fairy plum.

99 words

@Supertecnoboff

Silence

There was a survey on why men liked blowjobs - 5% liked the look, 15% liked the feel and the other 80% liked the silence!.

25 words

@Lushee

On Airport Pickup Duties

"My flight lands at nine-thirty on Sunday .... You want to watch what. What the fuck is mad men . I'm a mad man if you don't pick me the hell up.".

32 words