11 April 2012
I am starting a new religion.
In my religion, Larry Grayson is Lord of All Things and evil fairies do his bidding here on earth. Every Wednesday, all followers of this new religion must consume only fairy cakes and milkshake in the daylight hours. At 6pm, it will be compulsory to drink a vodka-based lime milkshake and eat a pink-sponged plain vanilla fairy cake (no icing) at 'mass'. The prayer shall be:
Grayson is Lord of Men No one will suffer again If you believe in Larry then You will inherit treasure Though you're awful beyond measure. Kill yourself, self, self Kill yourself, self, self Grayson's good You are bad Go and drink some poison.
Some may challenge us and say that we have no proof that our God exists. We shall say that, without faith, there is no hope of salvation and the inheritance of Larry's Treasure. We shall also say that at least there's proof that Larry Grayson really did walk this earth, performing miracles where great gifts would appear before the faithful's eyes on the great conveyor belt. You can't say that for Jesus.
Fairies • Opuss № I