11 April 2012
I look in the mirror and I see a toad. I don't want to but there it is. A pale, hairy toad with a miserable look on its face. I have contemplated becoming a comedy kissagram but toad-spit makes you hallucinate. Maybe that'd help... If I could get close enough to kiss, then maybe my toady rohypnol would mean that I could have my toady way with whoever I want. But I haven't got the energy. This is probably what good looking people call 'feeling horny'. Those of us that hit the branches of the ugly tree on the way down replace the feeling with 'dreaming of using rohypnol'. It's not an honourable pursuit but it passes the time.
Anyway, looking like a toad is better than looking like a pedophile. What do you mean it looks like that too? I think I'm going to lick the tears off my eyes in a damp corner of the shed.
Toad of Toad Hall • Opuss № I