16 November 2012
Babies.
So adorable, tiny and full of innocence. Why can't they stay at that age where all they do is sleep and poop? They grow up and start answering you back. "Why?" Is their favourite response to everything. "Cos I said so" just isn't enough for some of them. I'm getting ahead of myself, lets stick to babies and not toddlers.
Babies. D'awww!
I've felt the pang of longing in my womb. I'm broody, it comes and goes but I do want kids. I think I do. I converted my ex into wanting babies but then near the end, I didn't want to have HIS babies. It's messed up right?
It's not just for creating a mini me that's the attraction, we're created to reproduce. Some of us anyway. I used to want nothing more than get a good job, find a decent husband and then be the baby maker. Feminists would hate me, I'm all for the movement and equality but I wouldn't mind being a full time mum with a weekend job maybe. At least for the first 5years.
But like I said, I didn't want my ex's kids. Then we ended and it was like "pheeew!". Freedom from babies and I kinda went off them for a while. Inadvertently, I mentioned what I'd like to name my son to Irish one late night and he got on board with it.
"I wanna name him after my real dad, Michael"
"Hmm well if we had a son, his middle name would have to be mine"
"So Michael Christopher?"
"MC for short"
"We're not nicknaming our son MC"
"Yeah we are. What colour would he be?"
"I guess a caramel latte type, I'm not sure. Imagine you but with a darker tan!"
And that was all it took to want his babies. He's not sure if he wants them but he knows the only girl he'd call princess is his daughter. So there's hope yet...
I wanted 4 kiddies, a boy and a girl and maybe a set of twins. Now maybe 2 will be enough. Funny how I've always known I want a son first though. I mean I'd be grateful regardless of gender but I want my lil girl to have an older brother. Not sure why.
I'm no stranger to kids, my niece might not remember but she was practically my daughter for the first year of her life. Two working parents who couldn't afford to stay home....I stepped in to help. It's probably the most stressful part of my teen years, taking a 4yr old to school, 1yr old to the childminder and myself to college? Then doing it all back in reverse later on in the day. I don't miss those days. But I realised it wasn't all happy days and play times.
It's full of crying (yours and the baby), spit (sometimes yours too!), sleepless nights, poop (sooooo much poop!), endless cycles of washing up, tidying up and changing clothes that have only been worn for like 2hrs! It's worrying that every cough, temperature, spot is a sign of illness and you're immediately ready to rush to A&E. It's deciding who gets up at 4am to see what's wrong with baby and feeling guilty for wanting sleep.
And then they look at you, those eyes filled with wonder and innocence, trusting you to look after them. That even though they can't tell you what's wrong, you'll figure it out and be rewarded with a happy gurgle and a toothless smile.
And one day, you'll hear that one word, that call of "mama" and you'll cry because its one of the most beautiful things you'll ever hear.
I tell you for someone who still isn't sure about kids, I think I just proved how much I want them. I can hear my clock reminding me how the risks and complications go up the older I get. I don't know why I know that bit of information.
So there you go, babies.
I'm now hoping for a mixed race baby with grey eyes like his dad.
Happy Words • Opuss № I