19 May 2012
7. Felix
The night of Lola’s school play has come, I’ve spent most of the evening trying to block out all the goings on around me by watching mindless drivel on the television, it’s failed. Ali and Lola have been rushing around the place like feverish ants having a full scale fucking cocaine meltdown, collecting things and putting them back, doing the makeup, rehearsing lines and generally behaving like we’re backstage at a West End production. Since telling Caleb that he would be taking over most of my responsibilities at the bar I’ve only been there once to check up on him and discuss the terms of his new contract. I’m still trying to come to a conclusion as to whether this is the right thing to be doing in the long term, he’s still young to be given that much responsibility but there’s nobody else I can really trust with it either. For the time being I’m out of options, so here I am laughing at my two girls as they prepare for probably one of the biggest nights of both of their lives. Doting mother supporting the budding actress daughter, dumbfounded father in tow.
I walk into the kitchen which has been converted into a makeshift dressing room with all kinds of cosmetics over the counter, Ali is crouched face to face with Lola applying something around her eyes with surgical precision. I go to the fridge and pull out a bottle of beer, I’ve been trying to lay off the spirits since my last bender. “Well don’t you two just look beautiful, I’m going to have to crack out the camera before we go so I can snap you both up.”
Ali doesn’t look away from what she’s doing but replies all the same, “Fi that’s a good idea will you go get the camera from upstairs and get some pictures of our gorgeous little angel!”
From the excitement in her voice you’d think it was her going on stage tonight and not Lola, “I’d be happy to my dear, on the condition that you never call me Fi again.” I open my bottle of beer and head upstairs to find the camera, when I come back down they’re both standing in the hallway watching me come down the stairs. “What? Have I done something wrong?”
They both laugh at me, “You don’t need to look so nervous, Lola was just telling me how she likes having you here more, I told her I did too that’s all, come here.” She reaches out to me and I hug her with Lola in between us.
“Right shall we get some pictures taken then, it’s probably nearly time to get going.” I position them both in the hallway and like mother like daughter they both start enacting theatrical poses, pouts and dramatic stares. Lola’s wearing some sort of recreation Old West outfit which Ali put together, she looks like a miniature Calamity Jane. After taking about forty photos, many of which had to be deleted because the models weren’t happy with the outcome, I decide to check what it actually is that I’m going to have to sit through tonight with Ali. “Ali what’s this play actually about again?”
“Well I’m not exactly sure, it’s set in the Wild West,” she says while making two plats out of Lola’s long brown hair, “Their teacher wrote it, but it’s open to the public all this week, tonight’s the only night purely reserved for parents.”
“Oh right, wow sounds like your direct route to stardom little one!”
Lola shoots her eyes up at me, “I don’t think I want to be an actress, Dad.”
“Really? So you already know what you want to do when you grow up then?”
“I think I’m either going to be a vet or a lawyer.”
“My my well those are certainly diverse career paths, chicken,” I go over and pick her up even though Ali hasn’t finished one of her plats. “You my darling, can be whatever you want to be. Personally I was always hoping that you’d let me and your Mum sell you to Dolce and Gabanna to be their personal model but if you want to be a lawyer or a vet then that’s what you’ll be.” I tickle her ribs with my free hand making her squeal and squirm.
“It’s because I like animals, why don’t we have any pets Dad?”
“Ahh the eternal question, little one,” I put her back down on her feet for Ali to redress her hair, “ask your mother why it’s up to her, I want a puppy! Don’t you want a puppy? Ask her, she’s the one who decides not me, I’m just like you, have to obey orders me.” I stand up to attention and give a mocking salute, Lola giggles but behind her Ali is giving me angry glares with her eyes and biting her lower lip as if to tell me to shut up but I think these seeds have been safely sewn. I waltz back into the lounge to let them finish their preparations and for Lola to start nagging Ali to let her have a puppy for Christmas.
Before long they’re both ready to leave, Ali wraps Lola up in an oversized duffel coat and marches her to the door. She looks amazing as though we’re going out to a Michelin starred restaurant rather than the tiny local theatre to watch a school production. Her blonde hair cascades around her face and her green eyes are lit up like fairy lights watching our miniature actress prepare herself, she hasn’t stopped smiling all night. This must be the domestic bliss I’ve been missing. Outside it’s freezing, it’s cold in London but out here the temperature has taken a serious dive, the weather forecast has predicted snow for this weekend which will mean nobody will be going anywhere. Two inches of snow and London goes on lockdown, trains, buses and airports all shut up shop and die leaving its poor inhabitants to sit at home and suffer until the thaw. We take my car, which makes sense as it’s bigger but it feels bizarre, I can’t even remember the last time I had both the girls in here. I’m driving along the dark streets with Lola bobbing her head in the back along to some music which she’s chosen to put on, up front next to me Ali is sitting curled up on the seat looking out the window at the dark nothing of the black sky outside. She has her feet up underneath her and her little sheepskin boots on the floor underneath, exactly the same position I had Belle in a few weeks ago.
Weeks have gone by without me letting my mind drift back to her and now all it took was my wife to sit in the same place she sat for her to come back to haunt me. As far as I know she hasn’t been back to the bar since that night and she wouldn’t know where else to find me besides there so I suppose I have nothing to worry about. Other than the fact that I now feel like calling her to see if she’s alright, look into her big sad eyes again and telling her all the reasons I shouldn’t see her again. Ali puts a hand on top of mine which is resting on the gear stick, its warmer than mine and mercilessly plucks me out of my reverie and coaxes me back into reality away from my childlike fantasies of pursuing a sordid yet cliché Hollywood affair.
We pull up into the tightly packed car park of the theatre where lots of parents are standing around with their offspring, the kids are being herded into some sort of orderly group by a frantic looking teacher. I stop the car in one of the last remaining spaces and Ali quickly rushes to get out with Lola so that she can go inside with the other kids. I get out of the car and light a cigarette, I’m not going to get one for a while now so it seems like a good idea. The car park is covered in dead leaves which are pasted to the ground with moisture, I sidle over to the group of parents who are chatting away by the entrance with a cloud of the condensed breath above them, I could almost swear we’ve had some of these couples over for dinner at one time or another but for the life of me their names escape me. I’m saved by Ali who walks back out from inside and takes my left arm to march me over with more purpose than I’d originally put into my walk. “Here, Felix you remember Joe and Caroline, they came over to ours for dinner last year.”
“Oh yeah, I remember. How’ve you been, Joe?” I say shaking his hand but still not having any memory of our dinner and slightly nauseated by his limp hand.
His smile looks fake to me, smoking doesn’t go down well with the young parents around here, everyone’s body is a temple to green tea and yoga. Fucking Surrey. “Hi Felix, we’re great thanks, excited about seeing this little production tonight. Lola’s got one of the main parts doesn’t she, Caroline tells me she’s singing a solo.”
I look from Ali back to Joe, I must look like a complete idiot, “Er... Is she? Well that’s good, like mother like daughter I suppose, Ali used to tread the boards too.”
“Did you? What were you in?”
Ali puts her face into my shoulder in an act of completely artificial embarrassment so I answer for her, “I was only joking, she likes to think that she was destined for the West End and I knocked her up thus crushing her dreams, but really she was more suited to this kind of stage, a bit more local.”
“Hey!” She play punches me on the shoulder, “It was your fault you pig! I could have had Oscars by now”
“Yeah no doubt, Bear” I turn back to Joe, “So what business are you in again Joe? Remind me.”
“I’m a financial advisor. You run a bar in town don’t you?”
“My dad did that, never had a head for numbers me though, wasn’t my calling. You should come and visit the bar though if you’re ever in town, maybe you could give me pointers on how to make more money.”
“Well next time I’m around I’ll drop by.” I hate it when people lie like this to my face, precisely why I hate these evenings where I have to make the small talk with other parents who have so little to talk about which might interest me that it’s a wonder I don’t fall asleep. Unfortunately my friends aren’t the type to follow me out into the suburbs and fork out for their kids to go a private school so this is what I’m left with. A young teacher sticks her head around the door of the theatre and becko
Daddy's Gone 7.0 • Opuss № I