danidomino

* No seriously Simon is my uncle * A man from south Africa wanted to be able to drive in England. But he was really really bad at driving! Then he found Simon, my uncle. He teached him in an empty car park. He stirred to the left, then to …

TRUE STORY • Opuss № I

Books I would like to read: 312 Ways To Die by Sue I Cide A Great Plenty by E Nuff A Stitch In Time by Justin Case A Trip To The Dentist by Howard Hurts A Whole Lot of Cats by Kitt N Caboodle Achy Breaky Heart by Ann Guish Achrophobi…

Funny Book Titles A • Opuss № I

Hello I'm Lidya and I'll be posting lots of stories, genre humor, horror, dreams. Please enjoy!

Hi! • Opuss № I

You have to stay in shape. My Grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. ~ Ellen DeGeneres

Opuss № I

Agh! I hate it when people are like, "Hey girrlfriend! Follow back girrlfriend!" When they're not even following you. Agh! I hate it when people are like, "Ok gurrl. You just gotta STOP THAT 'Nuh huh.' WHEN I AM BEING SARCASTIC! (OK this o…

Agh! • Opuss № I

I once met a man with beard Whos name was terribly weird He prounced it one day And I thought he was gay And was what he appeared

LimeRick • Opuss № I

In a bar, there are three horses. The first one bragged, "I was in a race today, and I was last running. Then, suddenly, something bit me on my derriere, and somehow I ran sooo fast, that won race!" The second horse said, "Well well well, w…

The Three Horses • Opuss № I

Q. A man walked into a bar. A. OUCH!

Opuss № I

I'm having a great time here on Mars. I've found some friends like Wcdhx, Ucfhxnh, Gxebjic, Gxvdbjb, Fxdhbd and Gdyincr. Fxdhbd and Wcdhx are sisters, their surname is Martian. It's like if your surname is 'Human'! It's always boiling here,…

Dear Sam, • Opuss № I

I'm having a great time here on Mars. I've found some friends like Wcdhx, Ucfhxnh, Gxebjic, Gxvdbjb, Fxdhbd and Gdyincr. Fxdhbd and Wcdhx are sisters, their surname is Martian. It's like if your surname is 'Human'! It's always boiling here,…

Dear Sam, • Opuss № I

"Ivy had pale skin, ginger plaits sliding down to her gentle feet, big bright beautiful blazing blue eyes. She sang, she laughed, she danced." I read. Just as I was getting another breath, he said, "Stop there. Lilya, that was a beautiful s…

Gone Vol. 2 • Opuss № I

"Ivy had pale skin, ginger plaits sliding down to her gentle feet, big bright beautiful blazing blue eyes. She sang, she laughed, she danced." I read. Just as I was getting another breath, he said, "Stop there. Lilya, that was a beautiful s…

Gone Vol. 2 • Opuss № I

"Ivy had pale skin, ginger plaits sliding down to her gentle feet, big bright beautiful blazing blue eyes. She sang, she laughed, she danced." I read. Just as I was getting another breath, he said, "Stop there. Lilya, that was a beautiful s…

Gone Vol. 2 • Opuss № I

Seriously, no. Was that me? No. Yes. Why? I don't think I could. But... She only shoved me. Slightly. Hardly. Nearly. Kind of. But now she's gone. Her diligent, warm, soft fingers are now frozen. Icy. Cold. Bright blue eyes, they were. Now…

Gone • Opuss № I

"I was hoping for some heroin, but I guess the wafflemaker will do." ~ A drug addict

When Opening a Present • Opuss № I