9 June 2012
Monday, December 4
Dear Diary, I sit there. On the floor of the tub. Tucked in a ball under the shower head, I stay there silently with the water up hot. I want the water to be as hot as Hell, so my body can burn like my heart. The burning sensation feels extraordinary on my skin. I cringe as the water gets colder and can't get any more hotter. I turn the knob all the way to the left but it doesn't get much warmer. I slowly start to stand up to see if I can feel anymore of your warmth, for your warmth is my Hell. And I love my Hell. Once there's no more warm water, I just sit back down with my knees up and my arms wrapped around my legs. I rest my forehead on my knees and softly cry. I think so much of how easy it would be to to just grab my razor behind me and cut all my issues away. But I don't. I don't want to deal with that. I don't know if I ever will. When the water becomes cold, I lay on my back and just look at my body in disgust. My oddly-shaped toes, my skinny, sun-spotted calves, my bulging thighs, my extended hip, stomach so skinny you can see my ribs without trying. Disgusting. Nothing of me impresses you.
I would've stayed there all day if I could but I sadly had to go to school, and face you yet again. Here goes another despairing day of avoiding. ~Isabelle
__________ This is my new story about a teenage girl, Isabelle Grande, trying to overcome pain and self-injury, and eventually finds the right path with the help of a special friend. But it's a long, hard struggle... This is a teen romance/life struggle kind of story and is written in diary form, but as Isabelle writes it, she she imagines it in flashback form. I hope you enjoy this story. :)
The Diary Of A Heart Beat • Opuss № I