31 December 2012
I've decided to do a sponsored swim, I'm going to swim the Pacific Everyone thinks its a bad idea, but I think it's terrific I've been in training for weeks, well I don't want to look a fool Ive just won my 100 meter badge, down at my local pool I don't know how long it will take, maybe a couple of days And unlike that Steve Irwin bloke, Im going to stay away from the Rays I'll cover myself in goose fat, I've heard that it helps you float I'll tie some string around my toe, where I'll pull a little boat I've got to take some provisions, so I've made a little packed lunch When I get hungry on my swim, I'll just get in my boat and munch I haven't got any sponsors yet, so I suppose I'll just do it for fun It will be me verses nature, I'll have to battle the weather the sea and the sun.
Two weeks later
So I've just got out of hospital, I nearly drowned in the dock I didn't even get out to sea, they found me clinging to a rock It took a helicopter and a life boat, I've never felt such shame It turns out I need more training, as my swimming skills are lame Everyone's been laughing at me, I even made the news But I won't let this get me down, a lesser man would hit the booze The lifeboat men were angry, there rescue was quite frantic But I show them all next week, as I now plan to swim the Atlantic.
Terrific Pacific Horrific • Opuss № I