International phenomenon ™ terrible poems with terrible jokes, I don't know what I'm thinking as I've been on the smokes...
Ok go on this mans profile and tell him your dreams in his post 'my poetry'. Please inundate him with your dreams and lets see what he comes up with haha..
Part 1 Julie moved into her new house in the roughest part of town, where prostitutes work on every corner and there are drug dealers selling brown.
#truestory. I'm going back to 98, when this unfortunate event took place. I'd been on a bit of a bender and was properly pissed out my face.
#cheerupopuss. I've decided to become a pilot, it looks like so much fun. I want to be like Maverick or the Iceman from Top Gun. I've been training in my garden, I use my arms as wings.
#internationalwomensday Lets celebrate indecision and parking at a bad angle Or nagging for no reason and flying off the handle Lets celebrate moody texts and that ice cold icy stare Lets celebrate...
Do you still think about me. Like I still do about you Are you truly happy. Are you seeing someone new.
#Truestory. I have a certain talent and it never lets me down. I say the wrong thing all the time, I really am a clown. This happened a few years ago, but it really sticks in my mind.
#Truestory haha check profile picture. I've never had any plants, I really don't see the point. But for 99p at homebase, I probably shouldn't go there after a joint.
Oh I've been having so much fun. Watching my Tottenham thrashing the scum. 2 1 it finished but there could have been more. Every time we attacked, we looked like we'd score.
#sundayrepost I'm cheating because I saw eddies weekly challenge #opussweeklychallenge With two children going missing in the small village of Steeple Dale in the past year the villagers were very...
My sisters daughter has to write a poem called 'teachers stew' for school, so I said I'd help, this is our joint poem.
I'm building a submarine in my garden, I'm having so much fun. I'm not going to paint it yellow, as I think that, that's been done. I'm using raw materials, for the shell I've used my bath.
#acrostic / limerick A little tale about a man named Ted Met a girl named Rita who he got into bed On this occasion Under no persuasion Rita went down and gave head A little while later she...
#Sunayrepost. I once sat on a cushion and farted. The people in the room they darted. I tell you the smell. It stunk like hell. I wish my bum cheeks had never parted. I also done one in a lift.
Fuck off winter I think we've all had enough I just want some sun, this weathers really rough Snow, rain and wind, it's freezing fucking cold I can't handle this weather, I think I'm getting old I...
I've decided to become the pope, I'm sure I'll get voted in. I think I'll change the world and make supporting Arsenal a sin. Condoms for everyone, I think it's about time.
Part 3 of . John had arrived in his battered old transit van with coat hanger antenna in a ploom of thick smoke that was even visible in the darkness.
Part 2 of . Important information... Our Sun still exists and will not burn out for millions of years.
Part 1 of . 'Donut's is there nothing they can't do' was repeating over and over before Ian pushed down on the slice of cake, which doubled up as a snooze button on his novelty Simpsons alarm clock.
#opussweeklychallenge. There once was a lad named Flynn. In the sea he went for a swim. But he should of waited. As the fisherman had baited. The first thing he saw was a fin.
#opussweeklychallenge. A pretty young maiden named Betty. Who got married in a hail of confetti. But she filled for divorce. Because of bad intercourse.
#sundayrepost. I'm a ghost hunter, but I've never caught a ghost. When they disappear that's what pisses me off the most. I just want some credit, I get laughed at in the street.
Valentines day is one big con,. But of course you've all got to play along. I pretend I like it, and I buy some flowers. Got them from tesco and I had to queue for hours.
#Beginninglinechallange Without thinking of the consequences, I opened the box real fast, grabbed all the remaining grenades and loaded my gun, all my men were dead and now I was the last.
#sundayrepost Glen's had a few to many, when he sees her at the bar, 30 stone of women, you could see her coming from afar, but when Glen's pissed, his standards seem to drop, just like on this...
Laying in my bed last night, I heard my stomach grumble. I rushed towards the toilet, but on my way I took a tumble. My cheeks filled with sick, then it just exploded on the floor.
My funeral was a dull affair, they put my ashes in a cup No one was more surprised than me, that instead of going down I went up I treated life without a care, I died like Elvis on the bog So here I...
Just finished reading the book.
#acrostic. At first if you don't succeed. Bollocks to trying again. Cheating is a gift from god. Deny it of course 'amen'. Eat whatever you like. F**k whoever you choose.
#Sundayrepost I'm so glad, I don't live in a tank I once ate a guy named Hank I bit off his head He's definitely dead And what I didn't eat sank I swam from Australia to Cuba I ate a guy doing...
Of all my great ideas, this one is clearly the best An adventure of pure endurance, I'm putting my body to the test I've brought ten thousand balloons and I've got myself a spud gun I'm going to fly...
I'm a bit of a hit with the ladies, you could say I've got the tools You could be a hit too, if you follow my golden rules...... 1. Never compliment them, (it always goes straight to their head) 2.
#acrostic Harry you tit, what's that your smoking You'll fucking kill yourself and I ain't joking Piss off Glen, it's only a blunt Or are you just after some you stupid c**t Christ almighty Harry...
Part 5 Drake looked as mad as the people he was killing, a one man army with nothing but an old rusty pipe that he called Lucy Lou for company.
#sundayrepost. There's a werewolf in my garden, it's been trying to get in my door. I've barricaded the windows and I'm cowering on the floor.
I've come up with a new dinner, I must go back for more. I hid my cocaine in a chicken, when the police knocked upon my door. Whilst I was being searched upstairs, my wife was in the kitchen.
I'm going on an adventure, I don't know when I'll be back. I'm traveling through the Amazon, although jungle skills I lack. I'll survive by eating monkeys and fresh fruit from the trees.
#acrostic You might have to zoom out to see it properly..
True story So I start my new job on Monday, I always hate the first day They'll probably pair me with some idiot, who hasn't got nothing to say I'll be making lights for runways, I know, it sounds...
I'm a spotty train spotter and I've got a slight confession Watching trains turns me on, its become a kind of obsession I know I'm very strange and I know this isn't the norm My laptops full of...
Glen once knew a man who was sad. Nothing went right he was mad. Cheer up mate. Life can be great. Here have this cup with a Teabag. He took my cup and added water.
#bestofopuss Probably my best poem, which is quite surprising as I remember being completely drunk when I wrote it.
#bestofopuss Not my best, but my favorite. Every year Since the age of twelve Steven had done something on his birthday for his late parents.
#acrostic~ish. Searching for the one, I wanted the cream of the crop. Only this time last week, I let my standards drop. Under the mistletoe we kissed, she really was a minger.
#acrostic~ish Cup of tea Bert.
I'm the real Batman not that wimpy Bruce Wayne. I dont fight baddies such as the Riddler, Joker or Bane. I just sleep in my batcave hanging upside down.
#mystreet. At number 1 in my street, lives a man who's lost the plot,. He's 86 years old, I think his milk he has forgot,. It's been piling up on his doorstep, there's 30 bottles all in all.
The Joker's had a makeover, he now looks super cool I preferred him with his purple suit, and how he used to act the fool Adam West was Batman, his acting was far from good But he was miles better...
I'm a claustrophobic, agoraphobic, there's nothing I can do. I'm too scared to go outside and I'm shit scared of my loo. I don't like being confined, I get all claustrophobic.
I've decided to do a sponsored swim, I'm going to swim the Pacific Everyone thinks its a bad idea, but I think it's terrific I've been in training for weeks, well I don't want to look a fool Ive just...
My first ever Opuss (I started with stories) On a cold rainy night in Hertfordshire heavily pregnant 'Carol Frost' climbed off her red leather sofa and waddled over to answer the door "Who could...
Glen's had a few to many, when he sees her at the bar, 30 stone of women, you could see her coming from afar, but when Glen's pissed, his standards seem to drop, just like on this occasion, forget...
I can remember my first time. It was over in a flash. It was something so amazing. For very little cash. I unwrapped her slowly. As I was licking with my tongue. I was only 14 years old.
I'm a master criminal, they call me Mr Big If you ever cross me, your own grave I'll make you dig I live in a huge mansion and I've got a mountain of coke I'd like to say I'm fair, but don't take me...
I've decided to become farmer, I mean how hard can it be.
I've got a guitar for my birthday, but I don't know how to play I hope it's as easy as my harmonica, I learned that in a day It looks so cool, with its Union Jack But when I play it, the sound is...
I've been a bit of an idiot, you see I believed the world would end. I drew out all my life savings and sent a love letter to my girlfriends friend.
In his local boxing gym he trains, an old pro that's had his day, with many more losses than wins under his belt, there were bills he just couldn't pay.
#zipandzong Zip and Zong were back in space, on there way to Apricot One, but all there lights had failed, as they got dangerously close to the sun.
I'm getting ready to sail the world. In my home made wooden boat. I know the weather can get quite bad. So I'll make sure to bring my coat. I've used a couple of old wooden doors.
Glenisim is my new religion, I promote love, faith and life. You can join me too, but you have to have a wife. I will be the father, you must give me all your coin.
I think this Blindsilence is one of a kind. He reposts weird things that he finds. But his pictures a disgrace. Come on show us your face. His pink profile is sending me blind.
I've just been for a job interview, I put on my favorite suit. A nice green little number, my mum said that I looked cute. I got there nice and early, two hours to be precise.
#adventchallenge. I'm building an igloo in my garden, it's coming along quite nice. Although we haven't had no snow, so I'm using my freezers ice.
#weeklyopusschallenge. A day in the life of Mrs Santa Claus, it's not what you might think. You see Santa's a dirty bastard and he also likes a drink.
True story. I've had a little accident and I hope that you don't laugh. I've burnt my arse quite badly, just by getting in the bath. I put hot and cold water in and filled it to the top.
Sequel to Leelee's terrible 80's fascination.
I'm a cockney geezer and I've got a cockney walk. I bowl around my estate and talk in riddles when I talk. 'Your havin a bubble mate' or 'I'm on the dog and bone'.
#zipandzong Zip and Zong were back in space, on there way back from the Sun, but they had to get their spaceship cleaned, before they returned to Nebular 1.
I like to wear women's clothes, they feel so good on my skin. My boobs are just oranges and I call myself Lyn. I put my knob between my legs so I look like a lady.
Not 'if', but when I become prime minister, things are going to change. This countries lost its identity, but this I plan to change. I want to bring the Empire back, this countries become a bore.
I'm getting ready for the opuss party, I've got on my white shiny shoes I've dug out my brown chords with braces, now which shirt shall I choose.
I didn't know Santa was stuck in my chimney, when I lit the fire below. I never heard a peep from him, not so much as a Ho Ho Ho. Even when he was burning and being roasted alive.
Part 3. There's a lady who's far from shy. It's the one and only beautiful Fly. I can't help but stare. At her sexy blond hair. But she's out of my league, I sigh.
Part 2. There's Gaz who's dad was a great soilder. All the girls seem to cry on his shoulder. His words do shine. He's 39. But I thought he looked a lot older.
Part 1 I'll start at the top and that's Leelee He writes great poems for all to see I wanna stay mates So I won't mention his shapes.
I'm in the middle of building a robot, it's a full life scale model of myself I've made it out of cardboard boxes and some wood that used to be my shelf I've covered it in bacon, to act as a kind of...
#zipandzong Zip and Zong were back in space, flying to Nebular 1, but there spaceship had a malfunction and they were dangerously close to the sun.
I'm getting ready for the end of the world, I know it's coming soon. I've got a shelter in my garden to protect me from this doom. I've got water and baked beans, enough to last for years.
#colour. Please, before you read this, can I just say its not true lol. I've got a slight problem, that I'm just unable to stop. I fancy old grannies, weather you think that's right or not.
Part 1 of 2 Julie was asleep in bed when she heard her window break, she rushed out of bed and grabbed her things including her favorite steak.
#glensbored. I've decided to build an extension, I'm going to build it myself. I want to prove my family wrong, after I failed to put up a shelf.
#glensbored. There's a big hungry lion named Ted. Who got angry went he wasn't being fed. He escaped from his cage. And was full of rage. But he got shot, so now Ted's dead.
I'm a shit bus driver, I tend to get lost everyday. I'll overcharge you if you get on, then I'll ask you the way. I drink while I'm working and I'm always smoking drugs.
I'm building a spaceship in my garden, I want to blast off to the stars. I'll do a couple of laps of the Earth first, before I fly to Mars. I'm using scrap material and I've cut myself some wood.
#colour. (Try and say really fast). Here's a story about Mr Brown. A juggling, fire eating, circus clown. But his boss was riled. Because he never smiled. So they called the clown Mr Frown.
In no mans land they found each other, two solders far from their trench. An Englishman and a German, amongst the body's and the stench.
#zipandzong Zip and Zong were back in space flying to planet Earth Zong had gone into labour and was about to give alien birth 'We need to find an earth mother, to help us with our plight' 'Lets...
My names Glen and my girlfriend cut off my Knob. It took her two weeks, it was a hell of a job. I've had it sowed back now but I'm still in so much pain.
I'm a shit fireman because I'm shit scared of fire. My boss has got the hump and he calls me a liar. I don't know what it is that makes me run from the flame.
I'm the real 007 not that wimpy James Bond. I've got loads of fancy gadgets and I'm partial to a blond. Yeah I've seen the film and I found it quite absurd.
#bugsleg Lets go back to my garden again and catch up with Bugs Leg Ted, he's that strange bug like creature who looks like he's got five arms and one leg.
I could do with winning the lottery, things are getting tight, ill just do a couple of lines and hope I win tonight.
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#opussweeklychallenge. When Glen met Eddie on their blind date. I'll tell you the story it wasn't so great. 'Hi you must be Eddie and I say your looking ace'.
#sequel I've taught my dog another glorious trick, he now cleans and tidy's my room He licks the sides nice and clean and he can also use a broom He's handy with a hoover and he knows how to make my...
#bored This is Glen's guide to Halloween, it's served me well in the past Make sure you carry plenty of eggs and some fireworks for the blast Always egg people's windows and don't forget to empty...
#bored. I've invented a martial art that's brand new. I've decided to call it 'No Kan Du'. I can do helicopter kicks. Catch flies with chopsticks. I can do all this far better than you.
#bored #slightlypissed I'm a pretend psychic, I'd pretend to read your palm I'd tell you what you want to hear its wrong but wheres the harm I pretend to see the spirits and pretend to see the...
A very short, short story. You become very self reliant living in the countryside as I've found out since I moved here. Well I say 'moved' let's just say it was necessary.