#bestofopuss Probably my best poem, which is quite surprising as I remember being completely drunk when I wrote it.
I'm an OCD burglar, I'd break in and clean your house
But I won't leave nothing out of place and I'm as quiet as a mouse
I never seem to steel anything, I just put your CDs in order
My worst nightmare is breaking into the house that's owned by a hoarder
I rearrange your fridge and make the labels face the front
I know I'm being out of order here, I know I'm being a c**t
I just can't seem to stop myself, but your house I have to clean
I don't carry a knife or a gun, just a can of Mr Sheen
I break in at the backdoor, but I never break the window frame
That would send me mental because 'THEY MUST ALL LOOK THE SAME'
I only take away, things that don't belong
If its even it's ok, but if it's odd then it's wrong
Your shoes must stay together, pointing at the door
I've lost count the amount of times, that I pick toys up off the floor
I know I've got a problem and I think it's getting worse
If your money's uneven, I'd put my own in your purse
I carry cans of soup with me, it's my one saving grace
Because if there's a gap in your cupboard I can put mine in its place
So if you wake up tomorrow and your house is cleaner than before
You've been robbed by the OCD burglar, who wipes his feet at the door.
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