Falling in love

Falling in love...is like free diving! Jump and wish the parachute opens!

I fell in love again. Thats something that, I thought, wouldn't happen to
me again, but it did!

So this time I jumped and she jumped with me ... and it felt amazing! The
anticipation for the little things, the first kiss (oh that first kiss),
the first make out, the first movie, the first dinner...

And then her parachute opened and I panicked. Suddenly she was in a control
and I was helpless. All that time of free fall I was excited, blind and she
was studying me waiting for the right moment to strike. There is a time in
a relationship that one will try and take control. And she did it, right at
the time were she felt safe and powerful. Right at the time that she had
everything going for her, right at the time I gave everything to her. And
while i was falling I still wanted to make sure she was OK.

There are times however in which even while you are free falling to your
doom, you get to have a moment of clarity, although you don't get that
chance often. If you do get it, then USE it WISELY.

I didn't, i lost control, well it happens when i fall longer than you can
take. All sort of other feelings take control ! She landed just as easy as
she jumped, feeling all powerful off course and she walked away just like
that.

Obviously with her out of the picture my parachute opened as well, but not
before a long, tormenting and lonely fall. You see, in love distances and
time are so abstract because love is such an abstract term after all. It
hurts when you come to realize how short the dive can be for someone that
you gave so much, or for someone that said that loved you.

When the parachute opened I saw things clearly. Still, it was painful . All i could see is her parachute that she left behind, used....And feeling
used all the same I landed eventually, educated, experienced and different.

I'm picking up my parachute and although i feel tempted to say I will not
jump again, i will refrain by saying that when and if i do...?

I'll make sure that my damn parachute is opened BEFORE I leave the
plane...it's just so unfair...