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Here is the first part of a story I wrote when I was 11. The other parts will follow soon. Josh turned round frantically. He looked around and with a lump at the back of his throat forced out: “Tim! Mark! Rakesh! Anybody?” Josh gave up. …
“Even if you stumble, you’re still moving forward.”
“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore."
A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns.
Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket of thorns and thistles thumped and thundered threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew the thug - although, theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underne…
I saw Susie sitting in a shoe shine shop. Where she sits she shines, and where she shines she sits.
Laughter is a tranquilliser with no side effects.
A good, real, unrestrained, hearty laugh is a sort of glorified internal massage, performed rapidly and automatically. It manipulates and revitalizes corners and unexplored crannies of the system that are unresponsive to most other exercis…
What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.
There once was a fellow named Tim, Who was never informed how to swim, He fell off a dock, And sunk like a rock, And that was the end of him!
There was an Old Man with a beard, Who said, 'It is just as I feared! Two Owls and a Hen, Four Larks and a Wren, Have all built their nests in my beard!'
L ife I sn't V ery E asy
Life is mostly froth and bubble, Two things stand like stone, Kindness in another's trouble, Courage in your own.
During my second year of university our professor gave us a quiz. I breezed through the questions until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?" Surely this was a joke. I had seen the cleaning wo…
Never look down on anybody unless you're helping them up.
A smile is like tight underwear - it makes your cheeks go up.
S un is soaring in the midday sky U nder your feet the scorched sand burns M ellow people moving about M idnight is brighter than ever before E arly surfers catch a wave R elaxing is the best way to spend your day
A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
Life is mostly froth and bubble, Two things stand like stone, Kindness in another's trouble, Courage in your own.
Everyone smiles in the same language.
L ife isn't a choice, living is. I t's a different journey F or each of us individually. E mbrace every moment of your existence, S ecuring all your hopes and dreams. J ust in case you stumble O n the first try, try again and again, …
T ogether E veryone A cheives M ore
It's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice.
"Can I see my baby?" The happy new mother asked. When the bundle was nestled in her arms and she moved the fold of cloth to look upon his tiny face, she gasped. The doctor turned quickly and looked out the tall hospital window. The baby h…
I have a friend named Monty Roberts who owns a horse ranch in San Ysidro. He has let me use his house to put on fund-raising events to raise money for youth at risk programs. The last time I was there he introduced me by saying, “I want to…
Some unfortunate names: SUE AGE Born Glasgow, 1849. PETER PIDDLE Baptised Fowey, Cornwall, 1649. ENEMA BOTTOMLEY WOOD Died Huddersfield, 1904. SEYMOUR BUST Born Halstead, Essex, 1841. PLEASANT TITTY Baptised Margate, Kent, 1768. (She …
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. What did the aspiring Yogi say to the hot dog vendor? Make me o…
Here are 50 funny oxymorons: 50. Act naturally 49. Found missing 48. Resident alien 47. Advanced BASIC 46. Genuine imitation 45. Airline food 44. Good grief 43. Same difference 42 Almost exactly 41. Government organization 40. Sa…
Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.
This is the third and final section of my short descriptive story I wrote when I was 12. It's best if you read the first 2 sections before this one. Norman hadn’t been very popular as a child, he’d never been bullied but no one ever talke…
If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
This is a short story I wrote when I was 12. We had to describe someone in detail so it's very descriptive. This is the second section, if you haven't read the 1st it's best to read it before this. Follow me and the final section will follo…
This is a short story I wrote when I was 12. I had to describe someone in great detail so there are lots of adjectives. This is the first section, follow me and the next two will follow soon. A key turned in a lock – the scrape cut throug…
I tried to share a kebab with a homeless guy I saw sitting on a bench last night. He told me to get lost and buy my own.
"A lie gets half way around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on" - William Churchill
"You can avoid reality, but you can't avoid the consequences of avoiding reality."
Did you know that cats have 5 toes on their front paws and 4 toes on their hind paws? That must mean the Opuss icon is of a hind paw.
A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2 inches in diameter. He then a…
Wouldn't it be nice to go back to when you were 6 with your biggest worry being monsters under the bed?
In the evening the last thing you want to do is get into bed but in the morning it takes all your determination to leave its warmth.
...The stupider you get. This might sound ridiculous, everyone gets wiser with age. But not so. As you grow older you learn more - you got that right - but with everything you learn, you discover there is even more that you don't know. Ther…
Dig the well before you are thirsty. I have that engraved on the back of my iPod.
On a hard day, a simple sentence is worth remembering, never give up.
Once upon a time there were two extremely intelligent and capable boys. Their amazing talents were obvious from a young age, and the boys easily outdid everyone in the land. They had always known they were special, and they had a desire in…
The answers you get from literature depend upon the questions you pose.
It doesn't matter if you're upper class, middle class or lower class, just make sure you're first class.
Don't you hate it when you've just finished a really great series of books and you know you'll never be able to enjoy them the same way again?
What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years? Read the comments for the answer.
An electric train is travelling at 100 kilometres an hour. The wind is blowing in an easterly direction At 25 kilometres an hour. Which way is the smoke from the train blowing? Read comments for answer.
Dig the well before you are thirsty.
Flipboard is an amazing free app for iPhone, iPod Touch and iPad. You can link it with your Twitter, Facebook and Instagram accounts (and some others) and it gathers all the information together in a beautiful homepage which you can navigat…
It's nice when someone remembers a small detail about you, not because you keep reminding them but because they care.
The police arrested two youth last night. The first one was drinking battery acid and the second one was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced. That's why people with no sense of humour have an increased sense of self-importance.
This is a true story about the inventor of chess and an Emperor of China. The Emperor of China was so impressed with the man who invented chess he said 'you can have anything you want as a reward, just ask me for it' The inventor replied t…
Two men walk into a bar... The third one ducks
What's at the end of time and space, but at the beginning of the end and the beginning of everything. Read the comments for the answer.
'When you dig up the past all you get is dirty'
The old saying goes: 'cats always land on their feet' Another old saying goes: 'toast always lands buttered side down' If you strapped buttered toast to a cat and dropped it, what would happen? Hmm...
Don't lose yourself in addiction, lose yourself in a good book
Minority Report is a great sci-fi film that combines a good amount of action with a nice amount of intelligence and mystery. It is directed by Steven Spielberg and stars Tom Cruise. If you enjoy films like Inception or I-Robot you will love…