Missing Blessings

I spent a lot of time thinking last night, about big things, like family, and love, our connection with one another(and I'm more of the focus on the little things kind of guy, because they are what makes up the big things)anyway , all though we all have an idea of what this connection is suppose to look like , none of us no what it feels like until it supposedly has been felt. fortunately i have ! and i also have faith and hope, i'm talking about love. the example given to me was my parents, they are still happily married!!! and two of the only people in the world that i can honestly say beyond a doubt, I love . So aside from family love, we have relationship love , not just sexual, I'm talking about your guy and girl friends. I've found it is rare to find someone you can love as purely as your family, rare , every once in a while you receive a blessing, never ending blessings threw out life i would assume being the many I've witnessed at my age of 33. With all the blessing there are in life its inevitable were gonna miss some, or even mess some up, or even strap some down and torture them until they are so atrophied they're no longer an option. Some of these blessing's that we miss , for what ever reason, we forget about , some we remember but theres no emotional synapse connected, others make us embarrassed, and then some make us ashamed , and guilty, resentful against our self. Thats where I'm at wright now, i think i made one of those connections with a woman for a few years, during the time after the honey moon period, i was a selfish asshole and couldn't give her the so very little she was asking for, and that was to be shown that she was loved. And i knew i loved her, with every cell in my body but i didn't know how to show her, and she loved me threw and threw, and i know her inside and out, so naturally, being around her overt beauty i fell in love with her also, i don't have words to express it, the feeling is different its one i'm not familiar with. there for, one I'm not used to reacting to ! I've spent my life partying past the point of consequence, sleeping with any and every girl that crossed my path, the numbers would disgust you, and if they impressed you, your just as lost as i am. Stunting the growth of my true emotion, and now years later, i grew up a little, cleared up my head in order to regain focus and the wake of my mistakes has become clear to me, and when i say that, i picture the wake of a boat and love would be the apex of the wave created, the highest point, the white cap, waiting to fall back into the sea and blend in again, unless your there to cushion her fall in that very second, you may lose her into a sea of unknown forever. In my eyes my father represents the definition of what it is to be a man. A real man doesn't sleep around with anyone he want's to fuck, a real man doesn't go out and party every night, a real man works hard to provide for his family, is wiling to bleed for them,realizes what the important things are, a real man takes care of his wife he is her sentinel her provider, his arm's, the only arms his woman can take that cleansing breath, and no matter how tough of a time or good of a time she is having, she knows in my arms she is safe !! because i have been put here to insure that, indefinitely, past the point of your man made laws!!! We've all made mistakes, we've all dealt with the consequences, sometimes that consequence cant be overturned, and you cant blame anyone but your self. As much hope as i have to be happy, threw my all to quick future, I'm always gonna wonder................................ and lets face it, sometimes even if there was a chance !!!! the timing just wasn't right !! To much has happened in the time you wasted.