9 April 2012
Once upon a time there was a cow called Daisy. Now, it's very important that you know Daisy had a very rare disease called vampire clinicalism, more commonly know as Renfield Syndrome. This meant that Daisy had to be fed fresh pig's blood three times a day, every day. Daisy was white with brown patches all over her, the sign of a healthy fresian. Her eyes glowed bright yellow. If you looked very closely you could see one six centimetre fang on each side of her mouth. The result of this was that men and woman often screamed and ran away when they saw Daisy. Her family decided that the only way to solve this was to have her put down, so they called the vet to come round, because if they had walked her down the street she probably would have started snacking on anything she walked past. Which would be humans. As Mark and Dot (her owners) where going to say their last goodbyes to Daisy she looked into their eyes and filled their hearts with sorrow. "Stop!!!!" yelled Dot, as the vet was about to deliver the injection that would end Daisy's life. The vet froze, with the fresh needle in mid-air. "Moooooo!!" Daisy mooed. "Why do you want me to, ARGHHH!!" the vet screamed, as Daisy chomped down on his neck, sucking him dry of blood. "Daisy!" Mark and Dot shouted. "Well, we may as well get rid of Mr Mayflower (the vet)." So Mark and Dot picked up Mr Mayflower's body and chucked him into the combine harvester. "That should finish 'im off!" Mark announced cheerfully. "Mooo!" Daisy mooed. Mark and Dot decided to put a muzzle on Daisy, as every time she bit someone her (extremely unfortunate) victim's family would sue them, which meant that they were rapidly losing money. When the vet's wife came round to ask what had happened to her husband Mark and Dot acted as though he had never come round in the first place and they were going to ask the same question! After a few weeks Daisy's owners decided that they could take off her muzzle. BIG mistake. The night that she was allowed to have her muzzle off, as soon Mark and Dot were asleep, she nimbly lept over her cage's fence and ran out of the barn. About one minute after she had passed the farm gate she encountered the main talk of the village, the young lovers Mary Jones and Oscar Di-Caprio, out for a midnight stroll. Because they had never seen Daisy before, (as love had blinded them, meaning they could only think of each other), they thought that she was only a stray cow, so they reached out for the frayed piece of rope tied round her neck and walked her home, to their little country cottage. They brought Daisy inside and she lay down on the patterned carpet infront of the toasty warm log fire, that Oscar had just got going. Oscar strolled into the kitchen to make a pot of tea to keep away the winter chills. It was at that moment when Daisy struck. She flew through the air like a bird on a hanglider, then pounced on the unsuspecting Mary. She ripped apart her neck and spat out the chunks of flesh that had fallen into her mouth, then continued to devour the unfortunate lover. By the time Oscar emerged from the from the kitchen, humming to himself as he ambled along, all that was left of Mary Jones was a pile of intestines and blood flooding the floor.
(not finished yet)
Daisy The Vampire Cow. • Opuss № I