Chapter Twelve

I put my face in a pillow and scream until my voice is gone. I can't talk or do anything. My throat burns when I breathe. I throw the pillow at the door. I take all the blankets and pillows off of my bed and throw them onto the ground. I throw the clothes from the closet that the boys bought me and throw them into the pile. I make my way to my bulletin board and pull off all the pictures I took over the time I've been here. I take them and rip them one at a time and throw them into the pile. I'm still crying. I rip the last picture and I go to my dresser. I pull out the dresses and throw them. Louis comes in and wraps his arms around me so my hands are down and I can't move them. "Let me go!" I choke out. "Annie! Stop!" "No!" I say coughing after. "Your voice?" "Just go! I want to be alone!" I'm still struggling to get out of his arms. "Please." I can't take it anymore and I burst into tears. He sits me down on the ground and we lean against the bed. My head is against his chest and he let's me cry. He strokes my hair and we are silent except for me crying. I finally stop and look up. "What's wrong?" "I just don't want this anymore. I'm tired of getting hate from your fans. I want to go home." "You are home." "It doesn't feel like it." "why not." "You guys are always gone. I don't have any friends here. And people hate me." "no one hates you." "are you kidding? Every single one of your fans do. They send me hate everyday." "They're just jealous." "jealous of what?" "You! Your the luckiest girl. Your dating Niall frickin Horan! Your the most beautiful girl. You have perfect hair and light blue eyes. No one can hate you. Your not ugly." "After what I yelled to Niall earlier I don't think he would want to go out with me anymore." "He loves you more than anything in the world. A few hateful words aren't going to change that." he takes two halves of a picture of me and Niall out of the pile. "Look how happy you guys are. Do you really want to throw that away?" I don't respond. He hands me the picture. "Just think about it." I look around the room and see it's a complete mess. My throat is still burning and I need water. I put on one of my hoodies and walk downstairs with my face covered. The boys are on the couch talking that turn to whispers when I walk into the room. I get my water and walk back upstairs without saying a word. I sit in the hallway between mine and Louis rooms. I lean against the wall. I don't want to go back into my room and see the mess. Its about one in the afternoon. Im so tired. I go into Louis room and take a nap on his bed. There's no dreams but no nightmares. I'm curled up on the side of the bed when someone comes in. I open my eyes a little and see Eleanor. "Louis said you needed some cheering up." I sit up and she comes and sits next to me. "I heard what happened." "You did?" she nods. "I'll tell you what, why don't we have a girls night. Me, you, Danielle, and Perrie. Well go shopping, get our nails done and have a sleep over." "okay." "now go change." I walk back to my room and change into some skinny jeans and a striped top. I put on some red stilettos and brush my hair out. I come back and we head out. We meet Danielle and Perrie at Starbucks and have a coffee. We go to a bunch of different stores and buy new shoes and purses. I get a few new tops and pants. We go to the nail place and get our nails done. I get a French manicure. We go back to Eleanor's house around eight. We eat dinner and watch movies. We fall asleep around three in the morning and sleep in until noon. By then I decide I need to go back home an clean up my room. I'm still not talking to the boys. I say goodbye to the girls and go back home. I go upstairs to put my stuff down and see everything from my room out in the hallway. Liam walks out of his room. "We want you to design your room. We want it to make you feel like you are home and not just a guest. You can do whatever you want with it. We're sorry you don't feel like your at home. I'm sorry I haven't been a very good big brother, but don't take out everything I did on Niall." when he says that he points to Niall's room. "He has been crying for the last couple days. He hasn't come out. You need to talk to him." he's right. I was a huge jerk to him. I walk past Liam and into Niall's room. He's sitting on the floor with his hands covering his eyes. "Niall?" he looks up but doesn't say anything. I sit across from him. "I'm sorry. I was just upset. I completely lost it. You know I never meant any of it." "Yes you did you meant every word you said." "Maybe I did but I wasn't thinking of who it would hurt. I'm not used to all this. I miss coming home to my mom reading a book on the couch. And homemade dinner every Wednesday. I miss baking cakes for no reason. I miss having movie marathons on Saturdays with my best friends. And driving to the mall not to buy anything but just to try on things. Everything in my life changed when I moved here. I can't watch movies or go to the mall. I come home to an empty house and being home alone all day. I know it may not seem like anything to you guys but this is what I do." "What you did." "did." "Well we give you things to help you change." "but I don't want them. All I need is people who love me and after yesterday I'm not really sure about that." "We do love you. We do have lives too." "I know that. It's just-" "Just what?" "You guys will be going on tour in a couple of weeks and I won't see you for a couple months." "You can come with us." "I have school." "See you only are thinking about yourself." "How!?" "I want this and this and that. I don't want to go on ferris wheels. I don't want to see the world. You ruin everything we do!" "Well I'll move back to Arizona so you can have your life back. I'm sorry I ruined it." I get up and slam the door behind me.