27 April 2012
Friday night you can picture the sight I've just come from the pub
Don't know about you but about this time I tend to start thinking about grub
What will it be? A curry perhaps? I really just don't know
Got a belly full of beer so maybe not - it'll only cost too much dough
A burger and chips I hear you cry, from that dirty clapped out van
But it's greasy and stodgy and not very nice so it's really just cash down the pan
A pizza? Spot on! It's a bit of a con 'cos as soon as you've taken a bite
It tastes like the box it came in and that just isn't right
How about a bit of Chinese? That always goes down well
Not quite right at the end of the night as the landlord rings the last bell
And then a sudden thought at the back of my mind - now it all seems so clear
Just round the corner, a small Turkish shop, not very far from here
The kebab! That gastronomic delight - three courses all in one
With salad and chilies and lovely fresh lamb - the very thing - job done!
" Large doner my man" is my opening shout and he turns to me with a grin
"You wonn chili soss?" he says and I tell him to pile it all in
He gets to work my Turkish chum shaving off cuts of dry meat
It looks like leather and tastes just the same but it really can't be beat
Loads of garden to disguise the fact that the pitta is rather stale
But I don't care as I stand and stare at the chili the size of a whale
"Zattit?" he says "yes thanks" I slur and pay with a ten pound note
And I turn to leave not seeing the grease dripping all over my coat
So here I am lurching outside the shop with a beautiful feast in my hand
The smell! The taste! What more could you want? Life is just so grand
I open it up and what looked so good suddenly looks so bad
It's runny and sticky and would feed three blokes - I must be bloody mad
I take a bite and it tastes alright but it seems there's something wrong
See I'm really quite pissed and therefore have missed that the chili is rather strong!
So with grease on my coat, chili burning my throat, I think "What have I done?"
I'll tell you, you fool it would have been cool to have a chinky my son
And what have we learnt from this sorry tale of greed on a Friday night?
That you weren't really hungry at all so if you'd gone straight home and not been so greedy and listened to your mates you wouldn't have stinky fingers, or a coat that needs a dry cleaners attention, or a sore throat...
And you'd have been alright
FridayNight • Opuss № I