18 December 2012
When I was younger I had the chance To visit the South of France For me at seventeen Europe was unseen So with my first big pay advance...
I think I'll leave out the coach trip And the girl in my lap -ahem- 'akip' A private delight As we drove through the night Jesus, that girl had some grip
Suffice to say that we Had emptied the duty free For the journey was long And the beer was quite strong But the stewardess tidied up for me...
So with cases in the caravan I set off in search of my tan A typical Brit Got burnt near my bits Walking as only John Wayne can...
Next stop, the hypermarket To see how much beer we could get Four trollies, full load Along a busy main road Home delivery weren't invented yet
We decided to get to know All the Brits that were in our row It was pleasure we sought With the booze that we'd bought It was time for a party! Ho Ho!
Apparently it wasn't allowed At 2am, to have music that loud Though we meant no harm Someone called a gendarme And he really silenced the crowd
'Cos it really weren't much fun To see him wildly waving his gun With my best cheeky grin I invited him in Come and have a beer my son...
And in a delicious twist The gendarme came in and got pissed An officer of the law? Drunk, asleep on the floor? Some moments just shouldn't be missed...
And the rep for the entire place Challenged me to a sangria race He drunk 'til he dropped Right next to the cop For he'd lost and was off his face
I awoke in the morning light God almighty, what a sight Buggered off to the beach (Within staggering reach) And that was just the first night!
So I spent my 18th birthday Down in sunny St. Tropez But that's another story Equally gory Best saved for later, eh?
With a wistful backward glance I'd go again, if I had the chance No, I wouldn't mind But I think I may find That I'm probably banned from France...
Fun and Beer by the Tonne and a Gun in the French Sun • Opuss № I