24 February 2013
A man walks into a pub and orders a pint. As he's sipping away at it, he takes in the interior, for it's his first visit. Where the toilets are, do they do food, the donkey... The donkey? Yes, in the far corner of the pub is a sad looking donkey. On a table next to the donkey is a sign which reads, 'Win all the pound coins if you can make the donkey laugh.' Next to the sign is a huge pile of pound coins. He calls the barman over and says, 'Excuse me, is that true? Make him laugh and win the pounds?' 'Yes, you pay your pound and take your shot. If he laughs, you're quids in. But be warned, it'll take some doing. He's been here for weeks.' I'll have a go at that, he thinks, and putting his pint down, strolls over to the donkey. The donkey looks sadly up at him. He then gently whispers in the donkeys ear, after which the donkey starts to laugh. In fact it's pissing itself laughing. Pleased with himself, the man fills all his pockets with pound coins, walks back, finishes his pint and coolly walks out, leaving the barman open mouthed in shock.
Anyway, a couple of months later, the same man is walking along and comes across the pub he visited all that time ago. I could go a pint, he thinks, and walks in. As he orders his pint, he notices the donkey is still in the corner of the pub, the table is still there, complete with an even bigger pile of pound coins and a new sign which now reads, 'Win all the pound coins if you can make the donkey cry.' As he sips on his pint, he turns to the barman and says, 'Is that right? Make the donkey cry and win the pound coins?' 'I remember you,' says the barman. 'You're the fella who made him laugh. Well, pay your pound and take your shot, but be warned, since you won all the coins that last time, everyone's been trying to make him cry. It goes on all day and all night. Good luck mate!' I'll have a go at that, he thinks, and crosses the pub to the donkey, where he again whispers gently in his ear. The donkey does nothing, but then they both leave the pub through a side door. The barman is watching all this intently. Then the man walks back in and holds the door open for the donkey, who comes in sobbing his heart out. In fact he's absolutely bawling. The man again fills all his pockets with the pound coins and starts to finish off his pint. Just as he's about to leave, the barman calls him back. 'Mate, I can't believe it. That donkey's been here bloody ages, then you walk in and make him laugh, then cry and take all the cash, when absolutely everybody who's been in here has had a go. You've got to tell me how you did it! Come on, how did you make him laugh?' The man says, ' I told him I had a bigger dick than him.' The barman says, 'And how did you make him cry?' The man drains his pint and says, 'I took him outside and showed him...'
Half-Assed Donkey Joke • Opuss № I