23 January 2013
I was on my way to bed When Dave got it in his head To bring a mouse Into the house Wish I'd left him out instead
I wasn't sure at first Why he came in with such a burst 'Dave, come over here' Then it all became clear His timing couldn't be any worse
Dave skidded about on the floor Batting rodent from paw to paw He stopped real quick For a little lick And then he came back for more
To catch it, I was unable It'd ran straight under the table The cat went mad Jesus Christ, this was bad Blood pressure becoming unstable...
Sofas up on their end In the search for our miniature friend It had gone half eleven Not my idea of heaven Tired and going round the bend
In the middle of this farce Dave gave up, started licking his arse Oh it's alright for you With your starfish on view Pay attention to my mouse catching class
The missus was stood on a chair Screaming loudly, but she didn't care Mice aren't outfoxed By a Tupperware box Being held six feet in the air
Eventually I coaxed her down Trepidatious and sporting a frown It ran over her foot Laugh? What a hoot! ...erm... that didn't help matters much actually...go to bed love...I'll run the mouse out of town...
Off she went with a scowl I myself nearly threw in the towel But what's this I spy With my little eye Dave's went as wide as an owl
The cat was ready to strike! Just a minute, Dave, on your bike I threw down the box Chucked Dave out, turned the locks Victory's mine, you pesky lil' tyke!
The mouse had expired on the mat And that was the end of that David, tonight You're out alright You're not even our cooking fat...
Yes, it's a true story...
The Cooking Fat and the Mouse In The House • Opuss № I