17 December 2012
WARNING: Toilet humour ahoy...
Yesterday she asked of me Where to go for dinner? How about the carvery? A cheap and cheerful winner So off we set with good intent To sate our hunger's need The smell of it was heaven sent I was overcome by greed Can I get you any drinks? Does a bear shit in a wood? A flagon of ale's just right methinks Man, it tasted good The plate that she came back with I'd have had to go again The plate that I returned with Would have fed a dozen men But I'd set myself the task And polished it all off Topped up with beer served from a cask I didn't dare cough...
The damned curse of the carvery Came upon me this morning That 'gotta go' pain came over me No sign, no tell, no warning Gently I climbed out of bed I suppose I should have known Hurry up missus I politely said Yup, she'd beaten me to the throne Cross legged in the hallway She was taking bloody ages And the only sound, I have to say Was the rustling of pages...
Eventually my turn arrived Ran in and parked my tush Amazed that I'd survived Then it happened, in a rush I'll spare the nasty details Let's just say rotting eggs And wind? More like force ten gales I lost the power of my legs I could barely stand I could have used a crutch Two flushes. Couldn't understand Did I really eat that much?
Don't tell me you've not done it Oh you're not fooling me We've all left the loo filled up a bit It's the curse of the carvery And the moral of this story Is what goes in comes out It could have ended twice as gory Thank the lord I don't like sprouts...
The Curse Of The Carvery • Opuss № I